(not necessarily in that order)
One of the things I loved most about Swami Kriyananda was his laugh. It was so warm and infectious, with so much joy flowing through it.
I also loved how much he loved to laugh!
When I was living in Assisi and becoming better friends with Ramesha (he was still Fabio then, of course), I realized that one of the things I was coming to love about him was his laugh.
In fact, the first gift I gave Ramesha was a photo of Swamiji in Palo Alto — laughing!
Today was the first time since December that we had live music for Sunday service! And — boy oh boy — did it feel GOOD!
I think you can tell from these photos just how happy we were to be singing again! There was such overwhelming joy at one point during our warm-up rehearsal that I couldn’t hold back the tears. I’ve so missed being a channel for this music.
It was this verse from “Well Done, Lord!” that really got me:
Well done, Lord! Oh, very well done!
At last I’ve discovered the mystic key:
The world’s joy, O Secretive One!
Replies to Your sweetness in me.
For here in my heart lies the answer:
Your love, shedding light like the sun!
All life seems to leap like a dancer
When, gazing, I see only Thee!
I feel the joy, the sweetness, the love and the light so strongly through our music. And I’m so grateful.
I definitely resonate with this take on what it is to be a “true musician.”
To my way of thinking, it’s something independent of whether you’re “successful” or not; whether you make lots of money doing it or not; even whether you’re a professional or not!
The way it looked in my life is that I started playing music at age 8 and I mostly just kept doing it. Piano, flute, bari sax, alto sax, back to flute. School band, jazz bands, beginning orchestra, “serious” music major.
When I reached college age I didn’t have any clear goals — in fact, I didn’t even apply to any colleges, despite being on Honor Roll with a 3.9 GPA — so I just kept doing music. To be honest, I was a junior at SFSU and getting my Bachelor of Music in Flute Performance before I fully understood that it was possible make a real living as a musician!
But it was hard. And challenged me in lots and lots of ways. So, on numerous occasions I tried to quit. I even made it three years at one point. But my life never made sense without it and eventually I ended up freelancing throughout the SF Bay Area as a successful classical flutist.
During the years when I was teaching flute, I would occasionally have students who were more talented and accomplished than the average. Some of them would ask me whether they should major in music when they went to college. And I had to tell them: don’t do it unless you absolutely can’t NOT do it.
The way I would put it now is, don’t try to make music your life unless music already owns you, possessing you to the point that you don’t really have a choice — you’re going to have to do it anyway.
And even then, I would advise the questioner to keep in mind that lots of people have other jobs (their vocation) while remaining committed to music as their avocation. And they’re quite happy and fulfilled. If music will let you, it’s probably a healthier way to go.
Of course, I wouldn’t dream of giving up the joy, meaning, experiences, and life purpose that music has brought me in this lifetime. It “owns” me more now than ever, and I’m quite content to have it so.
Nayaswami Bharat gave a wonderfully inspiring talk this morning. At one point he shared about the palpable aura of love he felt in nature while hiking in a remote mountain valley, and it brought to my mind a somewhat similar experience I had many years ago.
Of course, the location was the opposite of remote! I was living in San Francisco; a basically cheerful and optimistic twenty-something student at San Francisco State University, finishing up my undergraduate degree in flute performance. Certainly I had my share of normal young adult angst, but hey! I was living in the city I loved; I was immersed in the music I loved; and I was more or less high on life.
One of the best things about living in The City was that it was absolutely fantastic for walking. I spent hours a day walking on Ocean Beach and through various neighborhoods, enjoying the moderate temperatures, the mystical fog, and the beautiful flowers and trees everywhere.
On this particular day, I was walking through the SFSU campus, enjoying the sunshine, and feeling good, when I remember being literally stopped in my tracks by a bunch of flowers.
I mean, they were just part of the campus landscaping, but something about them was so, well, vivid…! They were beyond beautiful, beyond “alive.” I just stood there for a while, marveling, and wondering.
Then I went on about my day, but it stayed with me. To the point where even now — close to forty years later — I can practically see those flowers — and feel that feeling — again. In fact, I believe I caught a glimpse of the truth expressed in this verse from one of Swami Kriyananda’s songs:
There’s joy in the heavens,
A smile on the mountains,
And melody sings everywhere.
The flowers are all laughing
To welcome the morning;
Your soul is as free as the air.
Yes, I believe I had the good karma in that moment to (somehow!) open up and receive the joyous consciousness of those flowers. What a blessing.
Last summer I wrote a blog post about the very first duo concert Ramesha and I did, before we were even a couple! It was titled, “How it all began…”
When I listen to the recording of that concert now, what amazes me the most is my flute-playing. It was a unique time really, when I was able to draw on my decades of experience as a professional flutist, but I no longer had to deal with being a professional flutist.
In other words, I no longer had the stress of driving all over the metropolitan SF Bay Area for gigs. I wasn’t spending hours practicing difficult music, followed by more hours sitting in orchestra with a mixed bag of musician colleagues playing that difficult music.
Instead, I was living in beautiful Umbria, surrounded by a level of calm and quiet that I’d never before experienced in my life. I didn’t have to drive at all. And virtually all of my time on the flute was spent playing beautiful uplifting melodies which — by professional flutist standards — were a piece of cake!
Don’t get me wrong; I loved being a professional musician and being part of an orchestra. I had a ton of awesome experiences and worked with lots of lovely people. But somewhere along the way it went from being something I did because I loved it, to turning into a job where I felt I never quite measured up. I pushed myself, then pushed myself some more, and eventually that sense of strain and stress started to come through in my flute tone.
Finally, I was ready to give up on being a flutist altogether, to the point where I tried (unsuccessfully, thank goodness) to sell my instrument. But within a couple of more years I had found my way to Ananda, Yogananda, and Swami Kriyananda; to meditation, Kriya Yoga, and spiritual community; to Ananda’s music, singing(!), and touring Italy for almost two years sharing that music.
And what I found in my first months living in Italy was that the dramatic shift in lifestyle resulted in a relaxation and renewed enjoyment that could be heard in my flute playing; it was like returning to the simple joy in making music that I had experienced from childhood up until about halfway through Conservatory.
Ramesha and I did include a few classical pieces on that India Benefit concert, but it’s far from a “perfect” performance. For one thing we talked and laughed through most of our rehearsal time, instead of working on the music. But really, we were there to have fun getting to know one another, while also sharing our joy in making music with our spiritual community.
We didn’t know it then, but it was the beginning of our musical dharma, the best gig of all.
I’ve been thinking some more about my “stink, stank, stunk” Christmas ornament and reflecting on just how pertinent the message of “The Grinch” feels this year.
The Grinch’s big “aha” moment came when he was confronted with the truth that removing all the packages, boxes, and bags from Whoville couldn’t stop Christmas from coming — “It came! Somehow or other, it came just the same!”
Christmas was way bigger and truer than he knew.
This year large numbers of us had to spend Christmas separated from family and loved ones, completely alone even. For some of us it might have felt like Christmas wasn’t coming. But just as the Grinch learned that Christmas doesn’t come from a store, maybe Christmas 2020 was teaching us that it doesn’t come from people, either.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that celebrating with family is one of the most precious aspects of the holiday. But the source of the joy isn’t external; it starts inside us — with the Christmas spirit itself — and then radiates out from us to others: close family and friends, neighbors, the larger community, and eventually — with commitment, with practice, and with our sincere loving intention — to the whole world.
Welcome Christmas. Bring your cheer,
Cheer to all Whos, far and near.
Christmas Day is in our grasp
So long as we have hands to grasp.
Christmas Day will always be
Just as long as we have we.
Welcome Christmas while we stand
Heart to heart and hand in hand.
Guitar track. ✔
Melody vocals. ✔
Background vocals. ✔
Keyboard strings. ✔
Violin. ✔
Laughter. ✔
Satsang. ✔
Creativity. ✔
Fun. ✔
Joy. ✔
Yep, most definitely a successful day in the studio! 🎤
Way back in the day — when I first found Ananda — brochures and program guides were a huge part of how I tuned into the essence of what Ananda was and what it meant. But the class schedule and calendar of events weren’t what conveyed that essence. I was struck more than anything by the light in people’s eyes.
I didn’t consciously identify that what I saw shining in their eyes was JOY, but I sure as heck knew that I wanted what they had.
Which brings me to this most recent video of our Ananda Worldwide Virtual Choir. Created in honor of Swami Kriyananda’s 72nd discipleship anniversary, it features one of Swamiji’s most beautiful songs: Peace.
I watched it repeatedly when it was finished, soothed by the melody, harmonies, and lyrics. And I realized something…
Videos featuring Ananda devotees (in this instance, singing) are the new, updated version of the program guide/brochure. And, more than the content of the video, it’s the light shining in the eyes of sincere devotees that draws people.
I invite you to listen to this beautiful music while gazing at faces filled with sweetness and listening to voices expressing joy. See the light beaming from their eyes and know that all is well.
Seriously tweaked my shoulder last night and it hurts to type. So here’s a happy thought to reflect on at the end of your day.
And isn’t this a great photo?!? Could be titled “exuberance!”
Yes, but not just any chair. A patio chair. A chair that’s meant to live outdoors. So you can go out and sit at any moment, without having to bring an indoor chair with you…aware that you’re going to have to lug it back inside afterwards. Which is often enough to squelch the impulse.
So…we borrowed a couple of green plastic patio chairs and it’s one of the smartest things I’ve done in a long time. I now go out and sit at least once a day. Usually without anything in particular to do.
This evening I sat and ate an apple. Watched the sun getting lower in the sky. Noticed the changing light as it shone through the foliage. Listened to the bees buzzing in the wisteria and wondered how they decide it’s time to stop for the day.
You get the idea.
Then this quote from many, many years ago popped into my head: Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.
Perfect. I’ll definitely be purchasing patio chairs for keeps!