First came this video. A tribute by dancers from the Paris Opera, it’s touching because of what they’re going through and the beauty of their art and the fact that it’s their expression of gratitude to medical professionals. But it also immediately transported me back to when I was studying in San Francisco and first developed a passion for Prokofiev… especially the music of his Romeo and Juliet ballet, which was an absolute revelation to me when I saw it (repeatedly) at SF Ballet all those many years ago.
But that got me thinking about another piece by Prokofiev that I absolutely loved and performed many times: the Flute Sonata (the video below is just the first movement; there are four total). Prokofiev had a real gift for melody and I loved playing the soaring lines of this sonata. Of course, it was also extremely demanding technically, but that’s par for the course when you’re a professional flutist.
Which got me pondering the fact that: “Oh my goodness, I used to be able to play that stuff! And play it well.” It hardly seems real any more, it’s so in my distant past.
But actually, I realized that playing flute well wasn’t entirely relegated to my past. There was a little (a very little!) part of me holding on to the fantasy that “if I were just to start practicing again” I could once again be that flutist. But you know what?
She’s long gone!
Not just because I haven’t really practiced in twenty years. And not just because I wouldn’t have the physical stamina to get back into full flute form. But because — thanks to who I am now and what my current priorities are — it doesn’t motivate me. I no longer match that reality.
And a part of me felt a little sad, because this realization meant also acknowledging that I will never in this lifetime play the Prokofiev Sonata absolutely flawlessly, without a single mistake…
Whoa! Who knew that thought/feeling/desire was even in there!
But it was. And I remembered a quote from some self-help workshop or other; something along the lines of: “You don’t want to die with your potential intact.” Which was connected in my mind with never having had an absolutely perfect performance of the Prokofiev Sonata.
Which is crazy!
I had many excellent performances of the Prokofiev; not to mention of tons of other wonderful pieces of music as well, with lots of fabulous musicians, over the years and decades. Yes, there was always the possibility of more and better. Why? Because life is infinite…and we are infinite. There’s always more; we never run out of potential. Until we merge back into God, at which point we actually once again know the truth that we’re one with infinity.
Which is an exceptionally freeing point to have reached at the conclusion of this long progression of thoughts. 😊
That quest for perfection in everyday life. . . It demands unprecedented commitment and time. I’ve decided that perfection is not all it’s cracked up to be, simply because it can undermine our peace of mind. True peace of mind allows us to move closer to an experience of God, so it’s high on my list of priorities. Honest peace of mind. Actual peace of mind.
Yes, Manisha! The desire for peace is MUCH more motivating to the current “me”! Besides, the more I think about it, the more I realize “perfection” doesn’t really exist on the temporal plane, because no matter how “good” you get at something there’s always the possibility of “better”. So you’re never done. Except in God. 🙂