(not necessarily in that order)
Today was spent catching up at home.
Weeding and watering the garden. Tending the roses. Cleaning out the refrigerator. Doing laundry. Putting together a plant stand for the living room.
You get the idea.
All in all it was quite the productive Saturday.
All I’ve got for today is a Snoopy happy dance and a bit of musician humor.
In other words, I am most definitely DONE for the week.
I started the day by making it to the Temple of Light to meditate. I was a little behind schedule, but it was a beautiful meditation, so I’m not complaining!
Ramesha and I also meditated in the Moksha Mandir this afternoon. This is where Swamiji is buried; it has an amazingly powerful, beautiful, and expansive vibration.
Then we gathered as a community in the lower gardens at Crystal Hermitage and celebrated Swamiji’s birthday with choir and a small group, a joyful sing-along, brief talks by Jyotish and Devi, birthday cake, and lots of love and laughter.
It was an altogether lovely day!
I first saw this image a long while ago. Obviously, it resonated enough for me to save it, but then it just sat on my computer for months and months.
But when I happened upon it yesterday I realized how perfectly this Emily McDowell person described my usual pattern of thinking my feelings!
The line that struck me the most however is the last one: “Notice that you have survived.”
That’s how scary feeling my feelings can be. It seems like a matter of survival, but I can (and must) learn to do it.
Ramesha and I followed our intuition today, which turned out to be a very good thing!
My Tuesday appointments to receive a Velcade injection usually last an hour, but on occasion have taken up to an hour and a half. That’s because the medication is mixed up THAT DAY in the pharmacy based on exact weight (and other parameters I don’t even understand) and sometimes the pharmacy at the hospital gets backed up.
This is only an issue because Ramesha has a long-standing lesson to teach at 5:00pm back at Ananda Village — a good 30-40 minutes away (depending on whether we get stuck behind a slow car).
We didn’t realize until late last night that today’s appointment was for 3:00. Ramesha prefers to drive me to every appointment, but after some back and forth, we realized it made more sense for me to drive myself this one time. The potential stress of him running late for his lesson just really wasn’t worth it.
Well, thank goodness we listened to that intuition, because today’s appointment took the longest ever!
Right from the start there was a problem with mismatched account numbers. Then the pharmacy was having problems. Finally the medication arrived — after almost two full hours! — but the account numbers were still messed up.
The poor nurses were beside themselves, as there were three or four of us waiting…and waiting…and waiting…
I was able to get quite a bit of work done on my phone and then I started catching up on articles that I saved weeks (or months) ago but never found time to read.
I also thought about it being Mercury retrograde — which I’ve learned to take seriously, Gemini sun that I am — and just relaxed into the flow. I eventually got my injection and headed for shopping and then home.
As they say: All’s well that ends well. 😊
“It’s not about feeling better, it’s about getting better at feeling.”
When I heard these words during an appointment today, I made sure to write them down. I could feel their truth for me on every level of my being, but I’ve learned from past experience that if I’m not careful there’s a part of me that will quickly erase such insights from my memory banks.
It’s not an entirely new concept. For years I’ve had therapists and counselors encouraging me to tune into my feelings, to name them and feel them in order to let them go.
I remember one session with a therapist where I was doing my usual talking about the feeling while carefully skirting around any actual feeling of the feeling. She gently but firmly insisted that I tell her where I was feeling it in my body. It took quite a while but eventually I was able to get there.
Over the years and decades so much of my energy has gone to trying to feel better. Sometimes that means trying to fix the situation (or the person) as quickly as possible. Other times it means distracting myself with food or activity. Straightforward denial has definitely had its role to play.
But today is the first time I’ve understood that the real goal is to get better at feeling whatever it is I’m feeling. To be honest and authentic, first and foremost with myself.
What a concept.
There were tempting options happening today, but I’m really glad I listened to inner guidance and didn’t commit to anything.
I needed a day of just flowing from one thing to another without paying much attention to the time.
It’s amazing how therapeutic accomplishing next to nothing can be!
Today was our annual community-wide workday, honoring Rajarsi Janakananda (James Lynn), Yogananda’s most advanced disciple.
It had been a full and very intense week, and I was moving very slow this morning. I missed the opening circle and found myself wondering if I would make it at all.
But I’ve learned the lesson enough times by now that I knew I had to just get there. And sure enough — I got to enjoy the company of dear friends while doing something useful, amidst lots of joy and laughter.
Our project was to separate oregano leaves from the stems so they could be dried and made into Italian seasoning. There was whole group of us, having what in another time and place would have been a “quilting bee,” but we were having an “oregano bee.”
It was great fun, leaving me energized, and once again grateful to be living the truth that service is joy!
This afternoon we had the great joy of spending time with one of our all-time favorite Ananda teachers and ministers — Nayaswami Dhyana.
Not only did she fill our consciousness to overflowing with inspiring and instructive stories of Swamiji, she sent us home with these beautiful roses.
What a blessing.
I’m once again humbled by the continuous outpouring of support that I receive pretty much every day.
This is just one example.
It came, out of the blue, from dear friends that I hardly ever get to see anymore because they live in another state now. But they sent a card with this beautiful heart, and reading the message, I felt their hug and their sincere caring.
And every time I look at it, I feel very, very loved.