(not necessarily in that order)
I had kind of a rushed morning, so when I got to the office I felt the need to sit quietly for a few minutes in meditation.
By the time I finished my screensaver had kicked in…and these were the photos that greeted me — all in a row — when I opened my eyes.
I felt Master’s and Swamiji’s loving presence so strong in that moment.
And what a blessed moment it was.
Today I felt like Swamiji was sort of pushing and pulling me to understand that he’s serious about moving the music in some big new directions.
And that means NOW, not at some vague time in the future!
The timing is perfect, as we have a music team retreat scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.
I’m eager to see what’s trying to happen.
Ramesha and I just completed a special project for our May Patreon video (a little behind schedule due to illness).
As part of it I got to talk about a gift that Swamiji gave me back when we stilled lived in Switzerland (the full story is part of the video).
But it gave me a reason to remember and reflect on other special items I’ve received from Swami.
In September of 2003 Swami went to Milan and Como for book release events and I traveled by train from Assisi in order to participate (it’s a long story, involving a suitcase full of books; missed train connections; an impromptu “choir;” fabulous meals; deep inspiration; and getting to know a crazy young guy named Fabio — I’ll have to write a full blog about it sometime).
It was definitely an eventful weekend, made even more intense by the fact that I stayed in the apartment of two devotees from Milan who I didn’t really know and who spoke virtually no English. It really was quite uncomfortable and awkward.
At the conclusion of the weekend I was supposed to take the train back to Assisi, but was invited to join the group at Swamiji’s hotel for breakfast first. This somehow got communicated to my host who dropped me off near the hotel on his way to work.
As I walked up to the entrance I suddenly heard a “hello” from up above. It was Swamiji, calling to me from a window on the second floor. He said he had something for me and would be right down.
I met him in the lobby and he handed me the little Krishna that you see in the photo. A unexpected and precious moment I’ll never forget.
We were living in Los Angeles ten years ago when the email arrived saying Swamiji had left his body.
My immediate response was utter denial: “NO!”
Now I can hardly believe it’s the ten year anniversary of Swamiji’s Moksha day. Although I miss being in his presence — hearing his laugh, seeing his smile — at the same time it feels like he hasn’t really gone away at all.
Maybe he’s not right in front of me, but it’s as though he’s simply visiting a different Ananda community at the moment (a very long moment!).
And maybe we’re no longer receiving emails and messages from him, but he’s still managing to instruct us in what we should do.
Thank you, Swamiji. My loving gratitude is yours forever.
A friend sent this photo to me in the past week, completely out of the blue.
I’ve gotten rather sidetracked from writing about my early experiences with Swamiji and the music, so I’m sharing the photo in order to not completely lose the momentum.
I’m pretty sure we were in Swamiji’s house after a meeting with him (it must have been before we added Bhaktan to the group).
I just discovered a blog post from December 2021 in which I outlined my strategy for gathering stories about Swamiji and finally getting them written down. I made a chronological list and was excited to start looking for photos.
But then life took over, as usual.
No matter! I’m ready to try again, keeping in mind Swamiji’s quote: “I haven’t succeeded YET.”
I was thinking to start sharing memories of times and experiences with Swamiji today, but decided I’d better review some old blog posts first — in case I had already written about those memories and experiences.
In fact, I haven’t done so. But it was so fascinating to revisit my thoughts and emotions and observations from back in 2019 (when I first started writing this blog) that I could hardly make myself stop!
So I guess I’ll get started tomorrow.
I’ve been catching up on my reading of several books about Swami Kriyananda (the founder of Ananda, who I also consider one of my dearest friends).
In the course of reading, many memories are surfacing. Some of them are quite precious and I’m hoping to dedicate more time to getting them down in writing in 2023.
So, we started thinking about creating a Patreon account almost a year and a half ago.
We wanted to put more focus on the making music part of our lives, as opposed to the teaching, directing, coordinating, managing side of things.
But it felt rather complicated and like we had to do all these things in just the right way, and — sure enough — it ended up falling by the wayside, even though we had most of the pieces in place.
Fast forward a year and a half and we realized it was time.
Why?
One motivator is that during Spiritual Renewal Week we were greeted by so many devotees from all over the world who expressed over and over again how much they appreciated seeing us on video. And we realized most of those videos are just from Sunday service or larger concerts; we haven’t been taking the time to make and share our own videos, with our own choice of songs and perspective.
But the biggest motivation has come as one of the many gifts of my cancer experience.
When I started treatment I had to consider the necessity of letting some of my activities go, because I didn’t know whether I would be laid out from side effects or how much additional rest I would need, etc.
As it turns out, my energy held up and I never did have to let go of hardly anything, other than not directing larger groups of singers (but that was more of a COVID precaution, since my immune system is compromised at the moment).
But even considering the possibilities brought thoughts and ideas to mind. And then there’s the reality of the bone marrow transplant, and the fact that we’ll be completely out of commission for a couple of months.
All of which is forcing us (in the best way possible) to not just talk and wish that there were more people taking on responsibility in the music ministry, but to take action to make it happen, and on a rather strict timeline!
Which leads to the final, very important fact: that my cancer diagnosis has helped me to better embrace the concept of mortality and the fact that we really aren’t all going to be here forever. Which in its turn has prompted some real soul-searching, especially in terms of wanting to be sure we’re serving Master, Swamiji, and Ananda in the absolutely best way we can.
You see, soon after Ramesha and I got married we were having lunch in Assisi and had one of those “aha” moments. Of course, we knew perfectly well that we both sang, and that between us we played guitar and violin and flute and keyboard. But we suddenly knew we should be a duo; that we actually were a duo — The Harmony Duo. Two people from different countries, different cultures, different races, and different mother languages, who nevertheless were in harmony — musically and otherwise.
When we came to the States in 2006 (supposedly for one year — ha ha), we spent a few months giving Harmony Duo concerts at Ananda communities up and down the west coast. When Swamiji got word of it, he conveyed the message that he thought we should tour the USA. And we were going to do it, too! We gathered maps and lists of meditation groups and started planning our route.
But we ended up Ananda Village, then Ananda Los Angeles, and back to the Village — all of which has been wonderful and vitally important to our spiritual growth. And yet…we feel there are some things yet unfinished, for which we will need to be able to extricate ourselves for a few months at a time and not be responsible for all the day-to-day musical activities of one particular community.
In addition, for several years now we’ve been wanting to establish more communication and collaboration among the various music ministries throughout the world, without making much progress. But we feel that we must find a way, especially considering the vital importance of the music in helping to keep the vibration of Ananda uplifted, harmonious, and united, no matter how large it grows.
So, all of this adds up to the reason why we’ve decided to join Patreon and see where it leads us.
I started the day by making it to the Temple of Light to meditate. I was a little behind schedule, but it was a beautiful meditation, so I’m not complaining!
Ramesha and I also meditated in the Moksha Mandir this afternoon. This is where Swamiji is buried; it has an amazingly powerful, beautiful, and expansive vibration.
Then we gathered as a community in the lower gardens at Crystal Hermitage and celebrated Swamiji’s birthday with choir and a small group, a joyful sing-along, brief talks by Jyotish and Devi, birthday cake, and lots of love and laughter.
It was an altogether lovely day!