(not necessarily in that order)
This hit home today as we prepare to hit the road tomorrow for Ananda Seattle.
All day I was aware of the many things I needed to do — water the garden; prepare the house; write emails; wrap up loose ends; pack; and get to bed early.
So yeah, stress makes me feel that everything has to get done — like — right now.
Except…it doesn’t really. Inhale. Exhale. Just breathe.
My first hint regarding the issue of dysregulation and the importance of a regulated nervous system came in 2022 when I was working with Dr. Suhaila, my naturopathic oncologist.
I was surprised by her extremely strong reaction when I shared a story of a childhood trauma (it was nothing earth-shattering and no one intentionally harmed me; it was simply an accidental experience that left me scared and shocked).
It had never occurred to me that my eight-year-old self wasn’t perfectly okay immediately afterwards or that there was something someone could have done to help me cope with the stress of the experience.
Now I feel like I’m passing through a portal into a whole new awareness of — and learning about — my nervous system.
Fascinating!
What are the end-of-January blues, you ask?
Well, they actually start way back in the stress and busyness of the holiday season.
Here at Ananda, we catch our collective breath from Christmas only to immediately begin preparing to celebrate Yogananda’s birthday on January 5.
After which it’s time to pull together the music ministry’s report of what happened last year and plans for the new year for the annual Sangha Outreach Ministries presentations the third week of the month.
Come the end of January we’re shifting into high gear with rehearsals for our annual performance of Christ Lives: An Oratorio, plus Ramesha and I are booking tickets for our springtime trip to Switzerland to see his family.
I realize that by the time February arrives — with its full calendar of activities — I feel like I’ve been falling behind since October, with no hope of ever catching up.
And that’s why I’ve got those end-of-January blues… Oh yeah! 🎺🎶
I needed to scroll through some random photos of past trips to Switzerland to remind myself why the stress of traveling is so very, very worth it.
There’s the incredible beauty, of course. But way more important are the people we haven’t seen in almost four years.
We can’t wait.
Last night at this time we were soaring in the afterglow of the Oratorio.
Today was back to earth time, but with a pretty bumpy landing.
The fact is that — despite being totally excited to go — I’ve been struggling with the reality of packing for our trip to Europe.
It’s overwhelming for several reasons. The first and most obvious is the short amount of time between finishing the Oratorio and leaving (two days!).
There’s also the fact that we haven’t traveled internationally in almost four years, so all the prep is feeling sort of strange and unfamiliar.
Finally, we need to leave the apartment in decent shape because a friend from Ananda India will be staying here while we’re away.
So, yeah. I’m feeling a little stressed.
After a day of multiple meetings and big decisions, on top of a long and intense week, this really resonated!
Every time I read it I find myself heaving a huge sigh, releasing just a little more of the accumulated stress and strain.
I hope it does the same for you. Happy weekend. Have an ice cream.
This one’s for my hubby, Ramesha. And me, too, of course. We’re both working on remembering that worrying and stressing about things never ever leads us to the superconscious solutions we seek.
So, time for some wisdom from Mary Oliver.
I Worried
I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?
Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.
—by Mary Oliver
I ran into a dear friend today and we commiserated (from behind our masks) about how things are feeling harder lately, rather than easier.
I think it’s partly due to the subtle but very real stress of trying to maintain normalcy in these extremely abnormal times. Staying centered and calm, cheerful and even-minded takes a heck of a lot of energy these days.
And then there’s the fact that it’s already fall, but I feel like I wasn’t able to be entirely present for spring or summer. I want to say something more about it, but — really — all I can do is shake my head.
In disbelief.
Had a bit of a realization today about the fact that — despite my work being all about music — less and less of my day-to-day life involves actual music. And the reason this matters is that there are healing aspects around the making of music that are not present in managing a music department.
For example, today I learned that it’s scientifically proven that focusing on longer exhalations can help us cope with feelings of stress and overwhelm. That’s because exhaling stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which decreases heart rate, lowers blood pressure, and releases muscular tension.
So, no wonder I loved playing long tones on flute so much! Long tones meant a deep inhalation followed by a l-o-n-g, controlled exhalation, repeated for upwards of twenty minutes at a time…all while deeply concentrating on creating a beautiful sound.
I’m not planning to go back to being a full time flutist, but this is certainly something to notice and meditate on and seek to re-balance.