(not necessarily in that order)
We just finished our weekend of recording and I’m pleased to report that we’ve made a really good start on our Christmas album!
People have been asking us to do this for years, decades even. So, even though there’s still a lots and lots to do, it feels really good to finally be transforming the “idea” into “reality.”
PLUS…! Today was my first butterfly sighting of the year; two lovelies joyfully dancing around one another. Made my day.
I think Spring has most definitely “sprung!”
Is it the last gasp of Mercury retrograde or do I simply need a break?
During a meeting this morning the next topic under discussion was “Summer Program” and the first thing I said (just for clarity, you know!) was “This summer, right?”
At which point my colleague just looked at me while I oh-so-slowly caught up to reality, saying with a laugh: “Oh right, we’re already in October!”
Wrong again, but by this point we were laughing too hard to care.
Later in the day I sent an urgent text about a project deadline which had been moved up to “TODAY, Sept 15!” — to which I received a calm reply that the 15th was two days away, on Friday.
At which point I remembered that today was Wednesday and there was no need to panic.
I really kind of wonder if there’s something wonky going on with the time space continuum right now.
Or is it just me?
Last week Nayaswami Devi wrote a beautiful blog post titled “What Changes.”
The blog is full of insights and wisdom, but there was one particular sentence that stood out for me. Devi wrote: Time and space—they really don’t exist as we usually perceive them. We may be dreaming them, but our souls aren’t bound by them.
In fact, that sentence brought to mind an experience I had when I was living at Ananda Assisi. I’m not sure whether I can successfully put it into words, but I’ll try.
Before I found Ananda in 1998 I had been involved with an Irishman from Galway. I developed deep connections with the Irish-Irish (as opposed to Irish-American) community in San Francisco and felt a deep affinity for Irish music and culture. I even visited Ireland briefly in 1997.
Then, several years after coming to Ananda, I moved to Italy — another European country for which I immediately felt a deep affinity.
At one point I met two Irish women — I believe they were sisters — who were guests at the retreat in Assisi. We enjoyed a nice connection; no big deal.
But then there was one afternoon when they were approaching and as I went to greet them I suddenly was aware of feeling a strange kind of disorientation.
I caught myself thinking — although “thinking” isn’t really the right word; it was more that there was an awareness — that we were in Ireland and the two women were returning from visiting Galway. But with a figurative shake of the head, I reminded myself that, no, we were in Italy and they had been to Gualdo Tadino (a nearby city).
It was so strange! As though for just a few moments I had lost track of where I was in the dream.
Although it was a fleeting experience, it left me with the briefest sensation of the truth that none of this is really real.
What do I mean by “funnel process?”
Well, for a number of weeks now I’ve been moving through a process, which I’ve recently understood as being how a funnel works.
Starting at the top of the funnel and getting narrower with each of the following steps, I’ve moved through…
1️⃣ Something’s slightly “off” with my bloodwork (blurry and VAGUE)
2️⃣ Tests and more tests (starting to FOCUS in)
3️⃣ Tentative diagnosis (gaining some CLARITY)
4️⃣ Definite diagnosis & initial treatment plan (facing a new REALITY)
5️⃣ Details of the protocol (holy cow, this is actually HAPPENING)
Sooooo…. It’s happening and I’m adjusting. I’m extremely grateful that what I’m dealing with is treatable and I’ve got an incredible care team. I also have an amazing amount of loving support from family, friends, and spiritual community.
Bottom line?
It’s all good. 🥰
I read about the strongly surging virus and I simply can’t wrap my mind around the thinking and the attitudes that have led us to this point.
I mean, if someone really hates wearing a mask, it seems obvious to me that they would compensate for the lack of a mask by being that much more careful about physical distancing and staying away from crowds.
But the opposite seems — all too often — to be true, with people saying “I don’t have to wear a mask and I can go wherever I want and I will do whatever I want to do. So there!” I swear I can practically see the tongue sticking out at the end, it’s such a childishly immature attitude…one that insists on dictating, rather than accepting, reality.
And I just don’t get it. Hence, I am left baffled and bemused.
It’s taken a full five days, but the dust is settling a bit in terms of my personal upset and process. There are a few things that I’m now seeing with more clarity:
The Gift
Growing up without having to confront constant, overt racism meant that my sense of self was largely free from identification with the issue of racism. I’m deeply grateful for this.
The Work
But because I wasn’t constantly confronted with overt racism, I was largely able to avoid facing up to it. These past few days have helped me understand how important it is that I let myself see how much I was affected by racism, and allow myself to feel the collective pain.
The Sad Reality
One of the most helpful things I’ve learned at Ananda is the concept that reason follows feeling. Which means that logic becomes irrelevant when feelings are fully engaged and passions run high. Which leads to…
The Impossibility
Having my sun in Gemini means that “communication” is BIG for me. There’s a part of me that really does believe that if “they“ just got to know me and we could just talk, then I could make “them” understand! But that’s the very definition of prejudice, isn’t it? Who I am is irrelevant; I’m never going to convince a true bigot that I’m worth knowing.
So another helpful thing I’ve learned at Ananda is the importance of focusing one’s energies on those who are positive and open and willing, while ignoring — whenever possible — those who are negative and derogatory (obviously, if someone is not just negative but threatening, you can’t ignore them!).
There are many people who want to understand, who want to help, who want to be part of the solution. If we focus our energy and resources on strengthening and nurturing these connections, we’ll increase our magnetism and build the momentum…and I have faith that change will happen as a result.
Then there are those who are absolutely convinced that their “reality” is The Only Reality. I don’t have any studies to back this up, but my guess is that a lot of the people who fall into this way of thinking have only lived in one place (usually a small one).
An example that comes to mind is a gentleman from the intensive Italian course I attended for five months when I lived in Lugano. He was Swiss-German but had lived in Boston for two years, which — in his mind at least — made him an expert on all things American!
He was convinced that he knew about all of America based on his brief experience of Boston. When questions about America came up in class, he would answer them. Despite having lived all my life in America, I was roundly ignored (oooh, it used to make me so mad)!
But you see, he fell into the trap of thinking that what he was able to see, touch, hear, and taste was the sum total of “reality”.
What a dramatic difference between my Tuesday morning “reality” and my Wednesday morning “reality”!
My reality for a month was mountains, lakes, lush greenery, and lots of people (all speaking Italian!); then this morning I’m back in the reality of forested hills, dried up grass, rustic living, and a very quiet, tranquil environment.
It’s easy to think that one’s present reality is the only reality, because it looks and feels so…well, real! Which is why traveling the world is so useful; one begins to perceive that there are an infinite variety of “realities”, depending not only on location but also the perception and perspective of each individual.
Towards the end of a solid month in Lugano I had to concentrate hard to remember details of our apartment here at the Village; it almost didn’t seem “real” any more!
I love the concept of the Divine Lila, or “God’s play”. The great masters tell us that this is all God’s dream, and — in fact — it sometimes seems to me as though my other “realities” have gone away while I’m away from them. It’s kind of fun to play with that thought: when I’m not there to observe it, does my apartment just dissolve back into undifferentiated bliss?!?