Tag: racial healing

Posted on

Racial healing (part 5)

It’s been a full week of dramatic shifts and turmoil — both inner and outer. I think as a country we’ve crossed a line from which there is no turning back — for better or for worse; while for myself, I feel like I’m coming back to center, but with increased awareness….and increased visibility as well!

It feels good to have opened myself up to being part of the dialogue; it will be interesting to see just what exactly that means going forward.

Which brings me to the question of race at Ananda, which a number of friends have asked about.

Speaking only for myself, I have never once felt any sort of discrimination or prejudice in my twenty years as a member of Ananda. On the contrary, I have felt a level of feeling “at home” and a sense of belonging beyond anything I had ever felt before.

In order to explain this a little better, I’d like to explore the idea of being “colorblind.” I remember one time many years ago, when I was in college, being part of a conversation where a friend was trying to describe me to someone who was going to be meeting me for some reason.

The adjectives included “short”, “dark hair”, what I was wearing, etc…and I finally broke in to say, “tell them I’m black!” I mean, it seemed ridiculous to me to ignore what — in that particular setting — would have been the quickest and simplest identifier. To me, that’s a false colorblindness that actually draws more attention to the differences.

At Ananda I’ve experienced what feels to me like true colorblindness, when someone’s attention is drawn to the color of my skin and they’re surprised, because they had never really noticed it.

Hmmm…that explanation seems a little lame, and yet…that’s how it has felt! Why? Because as devotees living in spiritual community, we are committed to shedding our egoic self-definitions in order to fully realize the truth that — in essence — we are all one in God.

The more we believe that and live that, the more we can look at everyone around us and all we see is the light in their eyes and the joy in their smiles. And we will feel the love in their hearts and know that we’re all expressions of the one light and joy and love of God.

Of course, most of us aren’t entirely there yet, but we’re committed to trying and we’re getting closer all the time.

Posted on

Racial healing (part 4)

It’s taken a full five days, but the dust is settling a bit in terms of my personal upset and process. There are a few things that I’m now seeing with more clarity:

The Gift
Growing up without having to confront constant, overt racism meant that my sense of self was largely free from identification with the issue of racism. I’m deeply grateful for this.

The Work
But because I wasn’t constantly confronted with overt racism, I was largely able to avoid facing up to it. These past few days have helped me understand how important it is that I let myself see how much I was affected by racism, and allow myself to feel the collective pain.

The Sad Reality
One of the most helpful things I’ve learned at Ananda is the concept that reason follows feeling. Which means that logic becomes irrelevant when feelings are fully engaged and passions run high. Which leads to…

The Impossibility
Having my sun in Gemini means that “communication” is BIG for me. There’s a part of me that really does believe that if “they“ just got to know me and we could just talk, then I could make “them” understand! But that’s the very definition of prejudice, isn’t it? Who I am is irrelevant; I’m never going to convince a true bigot that I’m worth knowing.

So another helpful thing I’ve learned at Ananda is the importance of focusing one’s energies on those who are positive and open and willing, while ignoring — whenever possible — those who are negative and derogatory (obviously, if someone is not just negative but threatening, you can’t ignore them!).

There are many people who want to understand, who want to help, who want to be part of the solution. If we focus our energy and resources on strengthening and nurturing these connections, we’ll increase our magnetism and build the momentum…and I have faith that change will happen as a result.

Posted on

Racial healing (part 3)

Wow.

I’m deeply touched by all the loving and supportive comments coming my way and I’m maybe even more moved by the way people are opening up and sharing.

I want to respond to the outpouring of support and sharing. And at the same time I want to crawl into a hole and hide. A part of me is saying: “Okay, that’s enough. Really, I’m fine! No need to belabor the topic.”

I’ve understood for a long time that my approved “role” is the cheerful, optimistic, positive, it’s-all-going-to-be-fine, peacemaker. And I am a naturally upbeat, positive, cheerful person who loves harmony…just not 100% of the time!

The problem is that somehow being down, struggling to cope, feeling depressed…. all got written out of my role. To the point where any degree of “not having it together” feels like I’m failing, and I’ll do a lot to avoid anything confrontational.

So I’m not comfortable right now. I’m continuing to move forward but adding to the discomfort is the fact that I’m having to let some things fall by the wayside in order to stay with this process. When what I’d really love to do is turn on a funny movie and eat a big bowl of popcorn.

For a long time I’ve self-identified as being someone whose main coping mechanism is “denial” (I even used to joke about being Cleopatra, Queen of de Nile…get it?). But now I’m thinking that what looked like “denial” was maybe more of an inability to fit difficult experiences into my construct of reality.

Take that incident in Virginia with the Blue Saints Jazz Band for example (by the way, I should clarify that this took place in 1971 or 72 when I was only fifteen or sixteen years old). I don’t have a clear memory of that experience in my mind and had actually forgotten it altogether until reminded, decades later, by a friend who was there.
So — was I in denial?

It was my first time traveling to the other side of the country, away from the community that knew and respected my parents, that respected me. The community where I went to an integrated school, was on the honor roll, was the featured alto saxophone soloist with the concert band; where my father was president of the school board!

It must have come as a shock to be told I wasn’t welcome. I imagine there would have been no place in my consciousness where such an experience could have made sense, prompting my psyche to tuck it away somewhere deep inside and forget about it.

Effective in the moment but I hate to think about how much energy has been committed to the task of keeping these things tucked away…