“Thank you, Mrs. Kilgore”

Another deeply moving essay by Karl Paulnack; I’m inspired to add my thanks to his…

Thank you, Mr. Fry, Miss Hall, and Mr. Lynch.
Thank you, John Bringetto, Doc Patnoe, and Rich Bice.
Thank you, Marsha Goodman, Paul Renzi, Lloyd Gowen, and Robin McKee.
Thank you all for carrying your music practice and preparing me for a lifetime of carrying mine.


Karl Paulnack

January 27, 2019  

I am writing a speech that I have to deliver later this week. I wanted to discuss how third-grade music teachers prepare their students for the rest of their lives, even though they have no idea how they are preparing them, do not know what those lives will look like, can’t imagine their future, and in some cases, wouldn’t want to.

On the night of September 11, 2001, one of the things happening on the west side of Manhattan where I lived was that people were gathering around firehouses, holding candles, bringing flowers, and singing songs of inspiration and support. I remember many people who looked like they might be finance or business people, mostly men, people in suits which were rumpled from an entire day of frantically trying to get home but who were now stuck on the island, guys with briefcases who were used to being in control and calling the shots who looked as though they had been struck by lightening. Some of these men were awkwardly holding hands with the rest of the crowd and we were singing “My Country Tis of thee, sweet land of liberty…..”

I knew the words and music to that song because it was taught to me by my third-grade teacher whose name was Betty Jean Kilgore in Allentown, Pennsylvania. And I remember her teaching us that song because she was standing at an upright piano wearing these high heels that seemed to me as a boy RIDICULOUSLY too high, and managing to stand and operate the damper pedal in this heel, which looked incredibly difficult to me, and I remember thinking in my third grade voice inside my head, “wow, that looks painful! That’s a dedicated woman.” She diligently taught us that song.

Mrs. Kilgore had no idea she was preparing me for 9/11. She had no possible way of even imagining what that would be. The world trade center wasn’t built yet when I was in third grade. She was being faithful to her practice as a musician. There were probably some people in that room who were thinking “why are we learning this dumb song”…. And 30 years later there I was, singing in the wreckage.

And you know when we were holding hands singing around the fire station I didn’t know who the music majors were and who they weren’t; it didn’t matter. I was not musically prepared for 9/11 by Eastman or USC or any of my college teachers and it wasn’t my advanced degrees in music and it didn’t involve Brahms. It was Betty Jean Kilgore on a badly tuned upright piano in dangerous shoes, and it was everyone else’s “Betty Jean Kilgore”, the music teachers of all the others who taught them that song, that allowed us to be together, in a very meaningful and powerful way, when we were speechless.

It wasn’t fancy and it didn’t need a budget and there was no conductor and FEMA didn’t support it. We were able to do it because enough of us had third grade teachers who taught us a song.

You will not be able to prepare your students for the future, because you can’t possibly imagine their future. It could be more beautiful or more wretched than we can fathom. If you carry your musical practice you will prepare your students for their lives. Period. If you carry your practice faithfully, they will have everything they need musically.

I happened to be curious about where Mrs. Kilgore is now, and I googled her. I found an obituary. She passed away 20 days ago. Perhaps the timing isn’t coincidental—fifty years ago she taught me that song, and now she’s helping me prepare for a talk. I guess she’s “teaching remotely” these days.

Thank you, Mrs. Kilgore.


“When the ordinary becomes impossible…”

Program for Olivier Messiaen’s “Quartet for the End of Time”, first performed at a Nazi prisoner-of-war camp in Görlitz, Germany on January 15, 1941.

As promised, I’m sharing more by Karl Paulnack.

This was the first of his essays that I read. I found it on a friend-of-a-friend’s Facebook profile and it affected me so profoundly that I knew it wasn’t just an “accidental” find.

He wrote it towards the beginning of the pandemic, as lockdowns were taking hold and the world was turning upside down and inside out.

Even though I didn’t discover it until a year and a half later, it resonated with me as though he had written it yesterday. And it’s given me a deeper perspective on what we’ve been going through during this time.


March 20, 2020

A letter to my faculty, and perhaps to any of you who carry music.

My dear fellow musicians,

This is a fable, a myth, a story about a junior composition major at a conservatory in the 1920’s. Let’s call him “Oliver.” Oliver had a composition teacher who was very wise, because not only was she a great musician and teacher, she was also psychic. She could see things before they happened.

Here’s a piece of the script from that movie:

Oliver: I have the idea for my senior capstone project! It is a great orchestral piece, with organ, and carillon, and a chorus, a magnificent work!

[pause]

Teacher: Actually your senior capstone project will be for only four instruments.

[full stop]

Oliver: Really. Which four?

Teacher: You won’t know until you get to the performance venue.

Oliver: Really. How big is the stage?

Teacher: There won’t be a stage. It’s outdoors.

Oliver: I see. Is there a piano?

Teacher: Yes, but not all the keys work.

Oliver: Really. Which ones don’t work?

Teacher: It changes day by day. You won’t actually know until the performance. Oh, and none of the other instruments will be fully functional either, but we don’t know how yet.

Oliver: I see. This sounds really attractive so far. Anything else I should know?

Teacher: Yes. You will be surrounded by people who are dying, hundreds every day. There won’t be any sense of “fair”, no basic human rights, no privileges, no “normal.” You won’t be able to expect food, for example. You might find it hard to focus. It will be distracting to work.

[full stop]

Oliver: I cannot do my work under those circumstances. It’s impossible for me to create anything worthwhile with those restrictions. I have standards.

Teacher: Actually, it will only be possible for you to create this work under those circumstances. The restrictions are by design.

Oliver: I won’t compromise. Music must be of a certain quality. I can’t and won’t compromise my art. I’m not interested in creating trash.

Teacher: Actually, this piece will be one of the greatest pieces of music ever composed in all of history. It will be revered!

Oliver: HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

Teacher: It’s not possible! That’s why the whole thing works!

This movie, Before the End of Time, is of course the “prequel” to a true story, a story in which young Oliver is played by the actor Olivier Messiaen and the “capstone project” is the Quartet for the End of Time. The “concert hall” is a Nazi prisoner-of-war camp in Görlitz, Germany.

You and I are on the eve of a great battle, an event that will change our world. Unlike Oliver’s teacher, I am not psychic, and I cannot see the future. Like you, however, I am the holder of 50,000 years of shared practice, and there are certain things that are about to happen, and we already know what those are.

What has always been normal, ordinary, will become in many cases impossible. The most ordinary things—picking up frozen peas at Wegmans—have become impossible. When the ordinary becomes impossible, what was previously impossible manifests. Disruption produces transformation. The impossible suddenly becomes practical.

I, like you, have been up many nights this week struggling with the reality that some things we do, we might continue to do, but many will become impossible. The limitations will be significant. Some things I can’t even imagine, yet. I feel like young Oliver might have felt. But because we have 50,000 years of experience at this, there are a few things we can stand on.

If you carry your practice, your practice will carry you. If you hold music, it will hold you. There is no circumstance in which this is not true. It is true at the moment of our birth and the moment of our death, and true at every point in between. It was true ten hours after the buildings fell on 9/11. It was true when Haiti earthquake survivors were found singing in the rubble by first responders who came to dig them out in the hours before dawn. It was true when our students in Boston, knocked out by the blast of a bomb and waking up next to an amputated limb, made a music video 24 hours later to hold their experience. It is true today for Italians in quarantine, dying in record numbers, singing together with their neighbors from their open windows.

Some things we ordinarily do will indeed be impossible. No one expects you to do the impossible, certainly not me. When something you ordinarily do becomes impossible, let it go! But let it go with open arms so that the impossible can find its way in. Like Messiaen, you might suddenly find yourself bringing the impossible to life.

FEMA will not bring music. (I’m not entirely certain what FEMA plans to bring, but I am entirely certain it will not be music.) In all of the circumstances I describe above, music arrived before FEMA did. Within hours. In some cases music held survivors until help arrived, and I have no doubt this will be the case now. In dire cases, music may be the only form of help that arrives.

Carry your practice. That which is ordinary may no longer be possible. That which was previously impossible will become real. You carry 50,000 years of group practice, embedded in you by your teacher and your teachers’ teacher. I am no psychic, but we have done this thing many, many times before, and this will not be our last.

Carry this practice, and this practice will carry you. Help people carry music. There is no question of “If” there will be music in the next 8 weeks. There is only the question of where, how, and by whom.

May it be us. Carry your practice!

With tremendous reverence and great affection,

Karl

Karl Paulnack
Dean
School of Music
Ithaca College


“We need music to survive”

The essay below is by Karl Paulnack, a pianist and (at the time he wrote this) director of the music division at the Boston Conservatory. The essay was adapted from a welcome speech he gave to incoming freshmen and was originally published in the June7, 2009 issue of The Christian Science Monitor, p. 28.

I first encountered Karl’s writing when a musician friend-of-a-friend shared it on her Facebook profile. It resonated so deeply that I immediately searched for more of what he had to say.

I have have been deeply affected by the way he articulates ideas that I feel in every cell of my being are true. So, rather than try and condense or paraphrase, I’ve decided to share some of his writings in full. However, since it’s quite long, I’ve decided to highlight my favorite sections with different colored text.

I’ll be curious to know how it strikes you.

We need music to survive

Karl Paulnack – Music Division, The Boston Conservatory

One of my parents’ deepest fears, I suspect, is that society would not value me as a musician. I remember my mother’s reaction when I announced my decision to study music instead of medicine: “You’re wasting your SAT scores!” My parents love music, but at the time they were unclear about its value.

The confusion is understandable: We put music in the “arts & entertainment” section of the newspaper. But music often has little to do with entertainment. Quite the opposite.

The ancient Greeks had a fascinating way of articulating how music works. In their quadrivium—geometry, arithmetic, astronomy, and music—astronomy and music are two sides of the same coin. Astronomy describes relationships between observable, external, permanent objects.

Music illuminates relationships between invisible, internal, transient objects. I imagine us having internal planets, constellations of complicated thoughts and feelings. Music finds the invisible pieces inside our hearts and souls and helps describe the position of things inside us, like a telescope that looks in rather than out.

In June 1940, French composer Olivier Messiaen was captured by the Germans and sent to a prisoner-of-war camp. There, he finished a quartet for piano, cello, violin, and clarinet, and performed it, with three other imprisoned musicians, for the inmates and guards of that camp. The piece (“Quartet for the End of Time”) is arguably one of the greatest successes in the history of music.

Given what we have since learned about life under Nazi occupation, why would anyone write music there? If you’re just trying to stay alive, why bother with music? And yet—even from concentration camps themselves, we have surviving evidence of poetry, music, and visual art—many people made art. Why?

Art must be, somehow, essential for life. In fact, art is part of survival; art is part of the human spirit, an unquenchable expression of who we are; art is one of the ways in which we say, “I am alive, and my life has meaning.”

On Sept. 11, 2001, I was a resident of Manhattan. Later that day I reached a new understanding of my art. Given the day’s events, the idea of playing the piano seemed absurd, disrespectful, and pointless. Amid ambulances, firefighters, and fighter jets, I heard an inner voice ask: “Why am I here? What place has a musician in this moment?”

Then I saw how we survived. The first group activity in my neighborhood that night was singing. People sang. They sang around firehouses; they sang “We Shall Overcome,” “America the Beautiful,” “The Star-Spangled Banner”; they sang songs learned in elementary school, which some hadn’t sung since then. Within days, we gathered at Lincoln Center for the Brahms Requiem. Along with firefighters and fighter jets, artists were “first responders” in this disaster, too. The military secured our airspace, but musicians led the recovery. In measuring the revival of New York, the return of Broadway—another art form—was as significant a milestone as the reopening of the stock markets.

I now understand that music is not part of “arts and entertainment.” It’s not a luxury, something we fund from budget leftovers. Music is a basic need of human survival. Music is one of the ways we make sense of things, a way to express feelings when we have no words, a way to understand things with our hearts when we cannot grasp them with our minds. Music is the language we choose when we are speechless.

Imagine a graduation with absolutely no music—or a wedding, a presidential inauguration, or a service celebrating the life and death of a close friend—imagine these with no music whatsoever. What’s missing—entertainment? Hardly. What’s missing is the capacity to meaningfully experience these events, as though eating great food without tasting it. Music functions as a container for experience—it augments capacity to grasp complex things. Without music, the events of our lives slip like water through cupped hands. Music increases our capacity to hold life experiences, to celebrate them, to survive them.

The performance I think of as my most important concert took place in a nursing home in a small Midwestern town. I was playing with a dear friend of mine, a violinist. We began with Aaron Copland’s “Sonata,” which was written during World War II and dedicated to a young pilot who was shot down during the war.

Midway through the piece, an elderly man seated in a wheelchair near the front of the concert hall began to weep. After we finished, we mentioned that the piece was dedicated to a downed pilot. The man became so disturbed he had to leave the auditorium, but showed up backstage afterward, tears and all, to explain himself.

He told us that during World War II, as a pilot, he was in an aerial combat situation where one of this team’s planes was hit. He watched his friend bail out and his parachute open. But the Japanese planes returned and machine-gunned across the parachute chords, separating the parachute from the pilot. He then watched his friend drop away into the ocean, lost. He said he had not thought about that for years, but during that first piece of music we played, this memory returned to him so vividly that it was as though he was reliving it. How did Copland manage to capture that picture of internal planets so clearly?

People walk into concert halls as they walk into emergency rooms, in need of healing. They may bring a broken body to a hospital, but they often bring with them to the concert a mind that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again depends partly on how well musicians do their craft.

A musician is more of a paramedic than an entertainer. I’m not interested in entertaining you; I’m interested in keeping you alive. Fully alive. We’re a lot like cardiac surgeons; we hold people’s hearts in our hands every day. We just use different instruments.

What should we expect from young people who choose a future in music? Frankly, I expect them to save the planet.

If there is a future wave of wellness, of harmony, of peace, an end to war, mutual understanding, equality, fairness, I don’t expect it to come from a government, a military force, or a corporation. If there is a future of peace for humankind, if we are to have an understanding of how these invisible, internal things should fit together, I expect it will come from the artists, because that’s what we do. 

As we did in Nazi camps and on the evening of 9/11, the artists are the ones who might be able to help us with our internal, invisible lives.