I experienced a big “aha” moment recently.
It happened when I ended the nourishing cleanse and immediately started “treating” myself to the foods that made me feel “special” and “loved.”
In a moment of insight I realized just how food and love and treats are inextricably mixed up in my psyche.
So, when I’m eating super healthy and taking care of myself, a part of me does not interpret that as loving, but as self-deprivation. And when I stop the healthy stuff and indulge in “treats,” that part of me feels loved once again.
And all the while there’s an inner voice criticizing what I choose to eat, how I look, how much I exercise, blah, blah, blah! Which then makes me want to treat myself with another goodie.
Needless to say, there’s a whole lot to process around this and I’ve only just begun. But I am finally beginning to understand that it’s not what I do out there that’s going to make the ultimate difference. It’s making the inner switch from self-condemnation to compassionate self-love.