We accomplished a lot in this afternoon’s music retreat, but a particularly powerful moment for me was answering the following question:
“In your heart of hearts, what do you want most to accomplish in the music or the Arts before you leave the planet?”
This was my answer:
” To help establish a really deep, really strong, absolutely clear and attuned core music leadership that will protect and carry forward Swami’s musical legacy far into the future, which will assure the future of Ananda as well.”
Beyond that, I’m just so grateful… to be part of such a dynamic team; for the blessing of our music; and for the meaning and purpose it gives to my life.
Today’s celebration of Dad’s 90th birthday was a resounding success.
It left me both exhausted and deeply appreciative of how blessed I am to have grown up in a large and loving family. Especially considering that my wonderful Dad is who he is thanks to his family.
So, here’s to family — quirky, flawed, complicated, challenging — but loving one another just the same, to the very best of our ability.
One consequence of these past few days of intense activity was missing a fairly important anniversary. In fact, it was on October 12, 2022 that I had my final doctor’s appointment at UC Davis Medical Center and was declared officially “done” with the hospital part of my stem cell transplant process.
I still had a few (preventative) prescriptions to take. I also had to keep in mind that rebuilding my brand new immune system would take time…as well as the eventual repeat of all my childhood vaccinations.
Now it’s hard to believe all that was going on just over a year ago. It simply doesn’t seem quite real.
But the feelings of intense gratitude remain and are very real indeed. I’m pretty sure they’ll be that way forever!
Today I witnessed a friend realizing and graciously accepting a previously unsuspected limitation.
And it got me reflecting — certainly not for the first time — on the bittersweet quality of the autumn season.
Of fully embracing the beauty inherent in the transition. Of being grateful for the abundance and bounty we have enjoyed, even as we accept its unavoidable passing.
Trees, bodies, loved ones. They all change and eventually pass. My prayer is to learn to accept the changes as graciously as did my friend.
Today I received an email with the subject: Your Student Loans Have Been Forgiven.
I couldn’t believe my eyes, but it went on to say: Congratulations! The Biden-Harris Administration has forgiven some or all of your federal student loan(s) with MOHELA in full. This debt relief was processed as part of the Biden-Harris Administration’s one-time account adjustment because your student loan(s) have been in repayment of at least 20 or 25 years.
Well, I immediately logged into my student loan account and saw a bunch of $0.00’s.
At which point I burst into tears.
You see, I borrowed $5,000 back in the mid-80’s when I was going to the San Francisco Conservatory of Music. I was determined to make it as a freelance musician and I did not have much understanding or practical skills when it came to money.
An unfortunate combination.
I chose the repayment option where you start out with small payments but agree to greatly increased amounts after a certain length of time. But when that time came I wasn’t earning appreciably more — or handling my earnings any better.
So, I missed payments, got derailed by rocky life experiences (like the end of my marriage, the death of my mother, etc.), slipped into denial, and eventually landed in default.
To make a long story short, I eventually had to refinance the loan. I’m still not entirely sure how it worked, but I think that all the interest I had accumulated became part of the principle owed. At any rate, the amount I was now paying off was many, many times more than that original $5,000.
By the time I moved back from Europe in 2006, I was painfully aware of what a mess I had created through my combination of ignorance and denial. I had learned my lesson the hard way.
In fact, although I was staying meticulously current with whatever payments I could afford, and immediately communicated if there were any change in my situation, I was depressingly aware that I would most likely take this debt to my grave.
I can hardly find the words to convey what a weight off my heart and psyche it is to understand that — after almost forty years — I can let this go.
Sunset afterglow at Crystal Hermitage as we were packing up after rehearsal
Tonight was our final choir rehearsal for this Saturday’s event celebrating Nayaswami Jyotish’s 80th birthday.
Two of the musical offerings we’ve prepared for Jyotish felt rather daunting to pull together in the limited time we had available after the conclusion of Spiritual Renewal Week. But tonight it was clear that both projects were absolutely the right thing to do, and they’re coming together beautifully.
In fact, thinking over the entire rehearsal, I’m feeling a whole lot of gratitude for the harmonious, team-oriented, collaborative way that our music ministry and the entire choir works together.
Sure, there are chaotic moments, but the overall feeling is one of uplifted and uplifting FUN.
It was Ramesha who read this morning that Tony Bennett had passed away at the ripe old age of 96. He told me the news and then asked who Tony Bennett was.
Of course, I immediately started singing “I Left My Heart in San Francisco,” which meant exactly nothing to Ramesha, who was born and raised in Switzerland.
But as I sang the song — the entire thing, remembering pretty much all the lyrics — I remembered just how much I loved “the City by the Bay” for the twenty-odd years I lived there.
And even though I was never a huge Tony Bennett fan, I feel a lot of sadness on his passing. As well as a whole lot of gratitude for gifting us with this wonderfully iconic song.
I’m a step closer to moving forward with the wild and crazy “gratitude” idea that I mentioned the other day.
It feels “wild and crazy” to me because it’s absolutely the first time in my entire life that I’ve considered getting a tattoo!
I’m not quite there yet, but after researching various tattoo studios in our area, I found a place with which I resonate.
Here’s the caption that accompanied the above photo:
Sacred Space We have created a sacred space to offer ritual tattoo and adornment in Nevada City, CA. Our vision is to inspire and empower you to adorn your body with the symbols that support you to step into your highest self. We believe tattoo is a birth rite. A sacred journey towards wholeness.
