This is so true. Too true, actually.
You really can’t have the one without the other (although I’ve wasted way too much energy in the past arguing with God about His timing).
A thought on faith
The song of sunrise (part 2)
John Roedel‘s heartful sharing and poem from yesterday took me back to one of the “dark night of the soul” moments in my own life.
It was the mid-nineties. I was in San Francisco, living what I had thought was my “best life”, except that my supposedly wonderful life had started disintegrating around me over the previous year or so.
My marriage had ended and I was increasingly discontented with other areas of my life as well, but hadn’t a clue what to do about it all.
This particular night I must have done my usual routine of getting home late from a gig, having a snack and some wine, then watching something on TV to relax. As often happened, as one show ended I would start another…and another. Until it was the wee hours of the morning with absolutely nothing worth watching, but there I continued to sit — in my frustration and my (divine) discontent.
Which then led to feeling depressed and finally to despair.
What was I doing with my life? Why did I feel so horrible? What was wrong with me? I was trying to grow spiritually, so why was I feeling worse and worse?
Soon I was drowning in sadness and guilt and doubts, feeling unworthy and powerless and helpless. But then I started to hear birds chirping and realized that it was almost dawn.
I no longer remember what prompted me, but somehow I decided to drive up to Twin Peaks and watch the sunrise. Of course, it must have been my inner guidance, because as I reached the top of the hill I found it shrouded in fog, which started to make me that much more depressed!
But then the “aha” moment struck like a flash of lightning! The sun was still there despite the fog. In fact, it was already starting to burn through the fog, allowing the occasional beam of sunlight to peek through.
And I suddenly understood something new (to me) about faith and God. That even when everything seems the darkest and I’m filled with despair, God is still absolutely and entirely present.
Even when I can’t see Him.
This lifted a big weight off my spirit. I didn’t write a poem, and whatever journaling I did is long lost, but it truly was my own “song of sunrise” experience.
Heaviness
Don’t know if it’s astrological or something in mass consciousness, but I’ve been feeling heavy and slow and vaguely out of sorts all day long!
At first I thought I was just tired. After all, it was a fairly intense week. But as the hours passed I started to think it was something more, because I did get plenty of sleep and yet I wasn’t able to snap out of it.
It’s like when there’s a storm brewing and you’re aware of a heavy energy weighing everything down. That’s how it’s been throughout this entire day, but I have faith that it will pass.
Rinascerò, rinascerai
“I’ll be reborn, you’ll be reborn.”
I shared this on Facebook earlier today, but I can’t leave it alone just yet; I guess I need to share it also on my blog. Here’s what I wrote this morning, which still really speaks to me…
I am so deeply moved by this song and this video. I lived in Italy and the Italian-speaking part of Switzerland for four years and I love it deeply. I’m profoundly grateful to these songwriters for giving us a way to channel the intense emotion of these times to an uplifted vision of emerging from death and struggle into rebirth. 🙏
There’s something very reassuring to me about the fact that this song — which powerfully affirms rebirth and renewed faith — is making such an impact in the lead up to Easter. Coincidence? I don’t think so. 💗
I’ll Be Reborn, You’ll Be Reborn
I’ll be reborn, you’ll be reborn.
When all this ends,
we’ll see the stars again.
I’ll be reborn, you’ll be reborn.
The storm that’s holding us in its grip
bends us, but it will not break us.
We were born to challenge fate,
but each time it was us who won.
These days will change our days,
but this time we’ll learn a bit more.
I’ll be reborn, you’ll be reborn
I’ll be reborn, you’ll be reborn.
Embraced by great skies,
we’ll have faith in God again.
In the silence there’s a breath of fresh air,
but I’m scared for this city of mine.
We were born to challenge fate,
but each time it was us who won.
I’ll be reborn, you’ll be reborn.
God is bigger
It all feels so huge right now. Huge and overwhelming. And when the overwhelm starts to drag me under I have to go for a walk and ground myself in the trees and the sky and the breeze.
Then I can remember that no matter what is going on, God is bigger. Regardless of whether He feels bigger to me in every moment, I believe that He is bigger than all of it.
But sometimes that’s all it feels like: belief…which isn’t the same as knowing. And isn’t the same as having faith.
Which reminds me of something I heard in a class at my Unity church several decades ago. The teacher pointed out that most of us had more faith in the United States Postal Service than we did in God. When we all looked properly shocked at her statement, she pointed out that we routinely put our letters in the mailbox without questioning for a moment whether they would get where we wanted them to go. Whereas we were always doubting and second guessing God!
So in this time of upheaval and uncertainty and general angst, I’m doing my best to remember the quote by Anandamayi Ma: “Don’t you think that He who created this world knows how to run it?”
After all, He’s bigger than any person, any politician, or any virus. Of course, He’s not going to take away our (global) lessons and/or karma, much as we may wish that He would. But He remains ever-present, loving us throughout the entire process, no matter what.
Here are two quotes that I find reassuring in these crazy times…
God is the one great Reality. To know and experience Him is the whole purpose of human existence. So do not hesitate to strive to achieve this great goal. Be patient in all the ups and downs of life. Everything will right itself. Do all that is necessary to be done, but do not be anxious. Do your best and leave the rest to God.
Sri Anandamayi Ma
Attune yourself to the active inner Guidance; the Divine Voice has the answer to every dilemma of life. Though man’s ingenuity for getting himself into trouble appears to be endless, the Infinite Succor is no less resourceful.
Lahiri Mahasaya
May God bless us all. 🙏