No matter how much planning I try to do in the weeks and months beforehand, I can never seem to escape the feeling of overwhelm that hits in the last week before a trip to Europe.
And going at Christmas time makes things even more intense.
So, the only thing to do is to practice — with great intensity! — remembering that God Is the Doer. Not me.
The Heavenly Father knows exactly what’s needed. Divine Mother is lovingly supporting me every step of the way.
My work is to get still, ask for help, listen, and take action according to whatever guidance I receive. Over and over and over again.
Of course I remember that I used to play saxophone (baritone and then alto), but it was a vague, abstract kind of remembering.
I had completely forgotten about competing at this jazz band festival, but seeing these photos brought it all back in a visceral sort of way.
It’s also interesting to remember the full context. This was my senior year but I had spent five weeks of the previous summer traveling throughout Europe with the Blue Saints Honor Jazz Band.
I’m pretty sure I was in a bit of an existential crisis being back at my small high school after having had such bigger and broader experiences.
It felt a little crazy but this morning — in the midst of packing; dropping off recycling and garbage; and learning we had to get the car smog checked today — we actually took a few minutes to visit Crystal Hermitage Gardens and witness the beauty of the tulips before heading off to Europe for four weeks.
The truth is, I was feeling a little crazy, but as I stepped into the lower gardens and literally drank in the view you see in the above photo, with its incredible beauty and palpable peace, I was able to stop. To be still. And to simply appreciate the blessing that Crystal Hermitage Gardens is to each of us and to the world.
To be honest, it made it that much harder to leave. But we’ll be back soon.
Phil Hewitt & Charley Fosberg*Seated next to guitarist, Grant Geissman*
The other day I realized — out of the blue — that it was fifty years ago this past July when I visited Europe for the first time. The realization gave me pause, perhaps because — despite the passage of so many years — my seventeen year old self suddenly felt very present.
I considered writing about it. I even looked for, but couldn’t find, my photos of the Blue Saints tour, when we spent five weeks traveling and performing in five European countries. But other things came up and I forgot about it.
But then I saw that the movie, “The Exorcist,” premiered fifty years ago today, and more memories came flooding back…
The twenty-five members of the jazz band I was in ranged in age from sixteen to twenty-one or so. I was one of only five girls with the band: two instrumentalists, two singers, and someone in charge of wardrobe.
So, we’re driving first through Belgium, then France, Switzerland, Germany, and Denmark. And at a certain point I notice that Jack Sanford, one of my fellow saxophonists, instead of gazing at the passing scenery has his nose stuck in a book. For hours on end!
I finally ask him what he’s reading that is so gripping and it’s something called “The Exorcist.”
Fast forward to our return to California, when I get hold of a copy of the book and start reading it. Of course, I couldn’t put it down and read into the wee hours of the night. At which point I couldn’t close my eyes to sleep because I was so freaked out.
I finally got to sleep around dawn, waking up later in the morning determined that no matter what I wouldn’t read the book past 3:00 in the afternoon. If I hadn’t finished it by then, too bad, it would have to wait until the next day. Needless to say I was finished by 3:00.
When the movie came out, there was absolutely No. Way. I was going to subject myself to an audio/visual, live action representation of what I had read in that book.
Fifty years later, I’m grateful to say that I don’t actually remember the book in my own mind. Reading the article about the movie I can relate to some of the references, but only in an extremely vague and neutral way.
* By the way, the photos are from a band trip to Washington D.C., I believe the same year as our trip to Europe. In the second photo I’m avoiding the camera while sitting next to Grant Geissman, who went on to have an exceptional career — starting with the Stan Kenton Big Band, then recording with Chuck Mangione (in fact, Grant is the guitarist on the famous “Feels So Good” solo; listen below); and he just went on from there. It’s fun to be able to say “I knew him when!”
We’re at that stage of the process where it’s feeling like maybe we did, indeed, bite off more than we can chew.
I mean, we’re helping to launch the new Ananda music app; planning for seven weeks away; preparing our place for a guest to stay while we’re gone; recording the live performance of the Oratorio on Good Friday; then leaving for Europe three days after that.
And somewhere in the midst of all this I’m supposedly practicing flute; working on my voice; brushing up on my Italian; resting; meditating; exercising; and being balanced and mindful.
Yeah, right!
But, sure enough, the only solution is to just keep going (or chewing, that is!), in the belief that I will be able to swallow it all down….eventually!
10th anniversary of Swami Kriyananda moksha (liberation) day.
Preparing for our first trip to Europe since before the pandemic.
And on top of everything else, it’s now been six months since my bone marrow transplant, which means I’m due to restore the immunizations that were wiped out along with the rest of my immune system (hopefully before the trip to Europe!).
Perhaps it’s being in major “crunch time” that has me craving the extremely satisfying “crunchiness” of popcorn! I haven’t given in yet, but maybe tomorrow…
