Today I had a noon time medical appointment in Grass Valley, followed by a mid-afternoon appointment in Auburn. This was perfect, as it allowed me to set up a lunch date with my Dad and two of my siblings.
Unfortunately, my body took exception to something I ate yesterday, throwing my system off and making last night and this morning more than a little uncomfortable.
My energy was pretty zapped but I still got it together to drive to my appointments. So far, so good…except that it decided to rain and then snow throughout the whole drive. Thank goodness it didn’t accumulate much, so the roads remained clear!
Needless to say, I was pretty much wiped out by the time I got home.
I definitely kicked off the new year in a new way!
First, by choosing a Word of the Year and, secondly, by participating in an art workshop where we decorated a board with our chosen word. It was a simple but powerful process that made me realize why “art therapy” is a real thing.
So, my word is RECLAIM. And my “helper word” is DESERVE.
I had been mulling over word possibilities for a few days before the day of the workshop, without feeling drawn to any word in particular. Then the word RECLAIM popped into my mind while I was driving to the art studio and, after I shared it with the group, I could feel that it really resonated within me.
So, before I started working on my board, I just sat for a while to tune into what RECLAIM actually meant to me. What was I reclaiming? And how? This is what came to me:
What = My power / How = Own it What = My body / How = Move it What = My time / How = Honor it What = My joy / How = Embrace it What = My willpower / How = Befriend it What = My self / How = Accept it
Then it was time to tune into the lettering and how the word would fit on the board. This is what I did at first, by hand…
It didn’t feel right, so I asked Sarah (the Ananda Village artist who was offering the workshop) if there were stencils or something that could help me get the letters right, as I wanted them to fill out the space more. And she immediately pointed out to me the connection between “filling out the space” and my word! I was wanting to RECLAIM my space. Interesting, no?
These are the letters that I then decided to use.
Next, she suggested tuning into the chakras in order to feel the color that best matched the energy of my word. Because my word feels very powerful and strong, I chose yellow, for the third chakra (power, self-control).
And because my “helper word” had to do with the fact that I DESERVE to reclaim all the elements of my self, I found myself gravitating toward royal purple for the letters.
Then an important memory suddenly resurfaced, of a time when I felt reassured by the Universe that I was, indeed, deserving (I wrote about it in this blog post). And I marveled at the power of this process once again.
The end result is that I absolutely LOVE my word and feel it’s already helping me start this year strong.
I ran across some journaling notes, written about six years ago, evidently in a period of frustration at my lack of activity. I don’t recall the exact moment or what exactly I was feeling when making this list, but it certainly packs a wallop for me as I read it now. Especially considering the title I gave it:
ACTIVITIES I LOVED
tether ball monkey bars archery basketball gymnastics track dancing cheerleading hiking rebounding aerobics weight training bicycling swimming skipping yoga 150 sit-ups a day running on the beach walking, walking, walking
It wasn’t that I “loved” exercise; I didn’t even call it “exercise” — it was just having fun doing things…
Like… Challenging big, intimidating Tony to a tetherball showdown in 6th grade. Organizing my high school buddies to hike up into the foothills above Milpitas for a cookout. Riding my bicycle all over Sunnyvale (where I lived), to classes at DeAnza College, and (just once!) all the way to my boyfriend’s house in Los Altos. Spending two hours every day in the gym: aerobics; weight training; treadmill; loving to sweat!
It was just doing fun active things with my friends. Dancing at clubs til all hours of the night. Cranking up my stereo and dancing in my living room to Al Jarreau, Gino Vannelli, George Benson, Earth Wind & Fire. I felt GOOD in my body and enjoyed using it. Of course, I never ever thought I looked good enough, but — hey! — at least I felt strong and powerful and capable.
Things started to shift when I got “serious” about finishing my degree and becoming a flutist — spending hours in class, in the library, in the practice room, in rehearsals, in carpools traveling to gigs. Getting busier and busier, more and more out of balance, more and more stressed.
Eventually I started feeling the pressure to “exercise” in order to lose the weight that was creeping on. What did I know about metabolic syndrome and stress hormones and circadian rhythms and lack of sleep leading to weight gain, etc etc.?!? Bit by bit the fun and spontaneity went away and moving my body became a chore, a “should.” Yuck.
Sigh.
It’s hard to look back and realize that I pretty much had it all, but squandered it, largely due to ignorance and iffy self-esteem (all part of my karma, of course).
