We’ve reached Day +9 and I’m beginning to feel that we may have turned a corner.
Days +8 and +9 are when one is at the lowest of the low, so we’ve had to be extra super vigilant about masking, washing hands, checking my temperature, etc.
And, in fact, we had a scary moment on Day +8 in the morning, when the combination of a slight fever, a hot shower, and a small snack resulted in a brief episode of lightheadedness. I felt sweaty and clammy and my voice sounded far away; basically, it was the closest I’ve come to fainting in this lifetime.
Although it passed quickly, the AIM clinic staff weren’t taking any chances, so Ramesha dropped me at the front of the hospital and one of the nurses came to get me with a wheelchair. But I was fine the rest of yesterday and today. In fact, the staff keep marveling at how well I’m looking and doing (prayer works!), so that’s all I have to say about the physical aspect of this challenge.
What’s really on my mind this evening is the fact that tomorrow — September 24 — will mark twenty years since I moved to Ananda Assisi to “help get the music out” in Italy as a member of the Ananda Singers.
It somehow feels significant that my recovery from the bone marrow transplant is coinciding with that earlier, life changing decision.
Once I had found and committed to Ananda, I started gradually moving away from my career as a classical freelance flutist. I started making decisions like choosing to go to a Kriyaban retreat even though it meant I had to cancel a gig. Or choosing to go on the Oratorio choir tour even though it meant missing a concert and recording session with the Women’s Philharmonic.
I don’t think I was aware of it at the time, but clearly the decision to actually move to Italy was me saying: “This is what I now dedicate my life to.”
So here we are, at a crossroads. Our music-making is on hold, but I feel like there’s something deep and profound for Fabio and me that will grow out of this time of enforced inactivity.
It’s like we’re awaiting a new assignment from Swamiji and I’m eager to see what it will look like!
