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Spontaneity

Another way in which I let doubt block my creativity is with spontaneous photos and videos. I’ll be in the moment, having fun or experiencing something that I feel to capture and share, so I’ll grab a quick snapshot or video on my smartphone.

But then the overthinking kicks in: Is it too silly? Will people understand? Is it done well enough? Maybe I’d better wait until I have time to write the perfect caption. Etcetera, etcetera… (what a fun word to see written out)! And you guessed it: months later I run across those moments, still in my photos folder!

No more! I’m now going to share three spur-of-the-moment videos that I took three(!) years ago during a short vacation in Ashland. While strolling through Lithia Park I was inspired by the flowers, the trees, and the river, and started thinking of Swami’s song, Channels. After some doing, I persuaded Ramesha to sing the pertinent verse of the song while I took shaky videos. Yeah, it is pretty silly…but it was fun!

Update: I completely forgot I was the one singing “Flowers”! If I had remembered I probably wouldn’t have posted it; guess the joke’s on me! 🙂

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Why “Music.Life.Joy.”?

Because music has been, and still is, both my life and the primary joy of my life.

Believe me, I didn’t choose this. There were times when I envied friends who had “normal” lives, with “regular” jobs. I wanted to be “normal” myself; to have a “regular” life!

But music wouldn’t leave me alone.

I felt so much joy in making music, but there was a lot of angst involved as well. Because it was all I could imagine doing, I needed to make a living at it. But that meant ambition. Competition. And lots and lots of practice—a challenge for someone who really was just in it for the joy and who wasn’t very disciplined by nature!

I stopped playing for a while in my twenties (“time off for bad behavior” I called it); but couldn’t stay away for long.

Later in life—after two degrees in flute performance and a few decades of professional experience—a lot of my joy in making music had dissipated. I got so serious about quitting that I tried to sell my instruments. The piccolo sold pretty easily but I couldn’t find a buyer for my (incredibly wonderful!) flute no matter how hard I tried or how low I dropped the price.

And then I came to Ananda.

Less than a year after moving to the Palo Alto community I found myself staying at Crystal Hermitage (located at Ananda Village) for a weekend while recording the flute parts for the CD, Secrets of Love. What a blessed experience. I was struck with the realization: “Oh, this is why I spent all those years becoming a flutist…and this is why Divine Mother wouldn’t let me sell my flute!”

My life finally started to make sense and (twenty years later!) I’m still gratefully offering every bit of my musical training and experience in service to God and Guru.

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Day #2

Oh, how fortunate I am to be part of a big, loving, supportive community! I’m riding on a wave of joy and encouragement as I write this second blog post; thank you, friends.

So, I had almost forgotten that the initial creation of this blog—last October, not the beginning of this year—was largely inspired by famous blogger and marketer, Seth Godin. I’ve been enjoying and receiving value from his daily blogs for a number of years now. This particular blog post was titled The first 1,000 are the most difficult and he had me from the first paragraph:

For years, I’ve been explaining to people that daily blogging is an extraordinarily useful habit. Even if no one reads your blog, the act of writing it is clarifying, motivating and (eventually) fun.

Something in those words struck a chord and within a couple of days Music. Life. Joy. was born. This is only Day #2 but it’s already been clarifying and motivating. It’s even feeling kind of fun. 😉

Thanks, Seth!

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Happy Birthday, Swamiji!

Today, May 19, is the birthday of Swami Kriyananda (aka J. Donald Walters). He would have been 93 years old today and—in a roundabout kind of way—this blog post is in his honor. Swamiji (that’s what I call him, out of respect and gratitude) gave me so very much, but probably his biggest gift to me was that he composed the music to which I’ve dedicated my life for the past twenty years.

Of course, as a professional flutist I loved playing his instrumentals, then over the years I sang so much of Swamiji’s music that I sort of became a singer! More important than any of that, however, is that I found my dharma, my life’s purpose—to be a promoter, cheerleader, and advocate for Ananda Music.

So, the thing is that I actually created this blog at the beginning of the year, but—after establishing the ground work—I found myself unable to commit any words to paper (or internet, I guess I should say). I understood the reason why: DOUBT. Doubt that I had anything worth saying. Doubt that I could express clearly anything I did think of to say. Doubt, doubt, doubt…!

It’s been a big part of the story of my life and it was a relief a number of years ago to finally have it explained to me in terms of astrology. Not that it changed anything, but at least I gained some perspective around it.

The truth is that lots and lots of thoughts and ideas—especially about music—come to me and they inspire me enough that I write them down, then tuck them away. The other day I found a collection of these little slips of paper and realized that by allowing doubts to stifle my self-expression, I’m blocking any possibility of Swamiji using me as a potential channel of inspiration to others. And that’s not okay.

So, in honor of Swamiji’s birthday, I’m officially launching this blog. And I’ll share my thoughts and ideas no matter what doubts may come.

Thank you, Swamiji.