(not necessarily in that order)
I was blessed to wander into the Crystal Hermitage Chapel as the sun was shining through the stained glass windows.
I’m not sure if “rainbow-lights” is the right terminology, and my phone camera doesn’t quite do it justice, but they were all over the walls and floor.
Magical.
I can already declare this seclusion to be a major success! Why? Because not only have I successfully slowed way down, I actually got to bed by 9:00pm last night!
What you have to understand is that I don’t believe I’ve gone to bed that early ever in my adult life. Well, okay, maybe if I was desperately ill or super-jetlagged but that’s it.
Going to bed so early meant I was up early enough to watch the sunrise, without even trying.
Which reminded me of this Mary Oliver poem I discovered right before going into seclusion. Quite apropos.
First step of seclusion for me is simply slowing down…WAY down!
I feel totally unproductive and have to remind myself that’s OKAY.
Otherwise, I’ll be “in seclusion” but with my same old always-busy, never-getting-enough-done, can’t-ever-measure-up, I’m-not-worthy mindset!
Nope, no way. Not going there.
In fact, it’s 7:30 and I’m just about ready for bed. 🥱
Ramesha and I will spend five days this week in silence.
I won’t be checking emails and will take a (blessed!) break from the news, but will still write a short blog each day.
Hopefully I’ll be able to share some inspiration or insight gleaned from each day of seclusion.
I got so caught up in finding the perfect version of the song for yesterday’s blog that I didn’t complete my thought about feeling unexpectedly emotional throughout the day.
But as I think back on it, I find myself pondering the distinction between being emotional and feeling something deeply. And I think I was experiencing the latter.
It seems likely that the song started things off by opening my heart extra-wide from the moment I woke up.
Later I was reading my book — a light romantic novel — but the plot involved the anguish of a doctor who had lost his wife and unborn child. And somehow the grief of my 1995 stillbirth was suddenly right there…almost at the surface, making me feel it deeply once again.
There were a few similar instances during the day, but finally, it was time for our regular Friday date night. We decided to watch the 2015 version of Cinderella, which we hadn’t seen since shortly after it came out.
Oh. My. Goodness.
It’s so beautiful and SO well done. Especially the way the entire story is oriented around the profoundly deep message: “Have courage and be kind.”
I found myself in tears over and over again, because so many of the characters really had…character! On display were qualities like goodness, sweetness, honesty, compassion, playfulness, and so much more.
I think my heart really felt it because — deep inside — my soul knows that a world based on such beautiful qualities is the true reality that we all aspire to…whether we know it or not.
I’ve no idea why, but I found myself getting unexpectedly emotional off and on throughout the day.
It started when I woke up from a dream with a melody playing in my mind. No, not an original melody of my own(!), but the beautiful jazz standard, “All the Things You Are.”
Of course, I had to look it up and learned it was from a 1939 Jerome Kern/Oscar Hammerstein musical that I’d never heard of before, titled Very Warm for May.
Well! Over two hours and many renditions later, I finally have a version of this beautiful song to share in today’s blog. But I must confess that it was quite the rabbit hole I went down.
First of all, I wanted a version that included the intro. I also wanted to hear expressivity on the part of the singer, as if they actually were feeling what they were singing about.
It was fascinating hearing so many different approaches, by so many different types of singers from different eras — jazz, Broadway, crooners, pop, you name it!
But what I found extremely disappointing was the number of times when I was sure I had found the perfect version — with the intro; a beautiful voice; sensitively sung — only to have the singer suddenly shift into overdrive as they neared the end, then ending the song with a huge crescendo to a jarring high note that they held out forever…basically just to show off.
Oohhh…I get so irritated because to me that’s disrespecting the essence of the song. Only my opinion, of course. But I believe Kern and Hammerstein really tapped into something. That there’s something about the combination of the uplifting, soaring melody and the evocative, tender, hopeful lyrics that can touch us on a very deep level. In fact, I think it calls to the part of us that yearns for the divine adventure and a divine love.
And now that I’m done with my rant, I hope you find the song as beautiful as I do.
All the Things You Are
Time and again I’ve longed for adventure
Something to make my heart beat the faster
What did I long for, I never really knew.
Finding your love, I found my adventure,
Touching your hand my heart beat the faster
All that I want in all of this world is you.
You are the promised kiss of springtime
That makes the lonely winter seem long
You are the breathless hush of evening
That trembles on the brink of a lovely song.
You are the angel glow that lights the star,
The dearest things I know are what you are.
Someday my happy arms will hold you,
And someday I’ll know that moment divine
When all the things you are, are mine.
I’m clearly no photographer but I just had to at least try to capture tonight’s moon.
So beautiful.
All day long I’ve struggled to simply knuckle down and get things done, but it hasn’t been working too well.
I’m trying to keep in mind the mantra I learned from Dharana during our visit to LA…
More accepting, less hard. More accepting, less hard. More accepting…. (etc.)
…but every sentence I type still feels like pulling teeth. I really hope that this too shall pass.
This really hit home for me.
There are
no yesterdays
or tomorrows
in your lungs.
There is only
This moment,
This breath.
I mean, “being present” is the whole point of all my meditation practices. And yet…this somehow made it more real for me.
Thanks once again to John Roedel, whose poetry resonates so deeply in my heart and soul.
This beautiful illustration and poem are from the book The Fairies of The Autumn by Cicely Mary Barker (1895-1973).
I was already in college when I discovered her work, but that didn’t stop me from absolutely loving it — for its delicate beauty but also for the way it brought fairies to life for me.
We currently live surrounded by oak trees — and in a banner year for acorns! — so I completely resonate with…
The Acorn Fairy
To English folk the mighty oak
Is England’s noblest tree;
Its hard-grained wood is strong and good
As English hearts can be.
And would you know how oak-trees grow,
The secret may be told:
You do but need to plant for seed
One acorn in the mould;
For even so, long years ago,
Were born the oaks of old