(not necessarily in that order)
Dealing with subtle feelings of irritation tonight and not liking the way it’s pulling down my energy.
Time to focus on gratitude instead, which isn’t hard because I’ve got lots and lots to be grateful for!
Which reminds me… I think I’m ready to follow-up on my gratitude tattoo.
Today I ventured into a new world. It’s called Rare Earth Landscape Materials and as I walked around I definitely felt like a foreigner exploring interesting new lands.
My reason for going is that I want to upgrade my garden plots with some sort of ground covering. Since wood chips are verboten (due to flammability issues), my landscaper friend suggested I check out the possibility of using rocks or gravel.
The sheer number of options was the first surprise. The price per yard was the second (this stuff is not cheap).
A very nice woman employee gave me a kind but rather remedial lesson on how to calculate the number of square yards (or, more likely, square feet — my yard is small) of gravel I will need, since math has never been my strong suit.
She also explained just how heavy it is, requiring a seriously big truck to transport it. Definitely not my Hyundai Elantra!
Altogether very interesting and quite fun.
Today I received an email with the subject: Your Student Loans Have Been Forgiven.
I couldn’t believe my eyes, but it went on to say:
Congratulations! The Biden-Harris Administration has forgiven some or all of your federal student loan(s) with MOHELA in full.
This debt relief was processed as part of the Biden-Harris Administration’s one-time account adjustment because your student loan(s) have been in repayment of at least 20 or 25 years.
Well, I immediately logged into my student loan account and saw a bunch of $0.00’s.
At which point I burst into tears.
You see, I borrowed $5,000 back in the mid-80’s when I was going to the San Francisco Conservatory of Music. I was determined to make it as a freelance musician and I did not have much understanding or practical skills when it came to money.
An unfortunate combination.
I chose the repayment option where you start out with small payments but agree to greatly increased amounts after a certain length of time. But when that time came I wasn’t earning appreciably more — or handling my earnings any better.
So, I missed payments, got derailed by rocky life experiences (like the end of my marriage, the death of my mother, etc.), slipped into denial, and eventually landed in default.
To make a long story short, I eventually had to refinance the loan. I’m still not entirely sure how it worked, but I think that all the interest I had accumulated became part of the principle owed. At any rate, the amount I was now paying off was many, many times more than that original $5,000.
By the time I moved back from Europe in 2006, I was painfully aware of what a mess I had created through my combination of ignorance and denial. I had learned my lesson the hard way.
In fact, although I was staying meticulously current with whatever payments I could afford, and immediately communicated if there were any change in my situation, I was depressingly aware that I would most likely take this debt to my grave.
I can hardly find the words to convey what a weight off my heart and psyche it is to understand that — after almost forty years — I can let this go.
It truly feels like a miracle.
Definitely feeling like I’m on a roll with my practicing.
But you know what’s even more important? As the number of days in a row increases, I can feel myself becoming attached to not breaking the “streak”.
For once, attachment is a good thing. 👍
Best not to get too excited about it all, but at the same time I can’t help but wonder where this might lead.
Meanwhile, today I practiced trills, and boy, did that feel weird!
This morning we had a garden consultation, while sitting with our friends (landscaper and wife) on the patio enjoying coffee and treats.
I learned which plants need to go into the ground, which ones need fertilizing in the spring, how we could make our already beautiful view even better, and — yay! — I finally have the perfect location (and reason) to plant some jasmine.
This afternoon we took part in a lovely satsang at Chandi ashram house for the current crop of karma yogis.
Each person shared how they came onto the spiritual path, then we spent time chanting. It was quite the international group, as the karma yogis originally hail from Germany, Turkey, Russia, China, and India!
I came home in the early evening and — for the fourth day in a row — I practiced. It’s really quite remarkable, but I even downloaded a metronome app and used it as I did honest-to-goodness long tones.
I hardly recognize myself!
I don’t want to celebrate too soon, but I think something might have shifted between me and the flute.
It’s not just that I’ve practiced three days in a row. It’s that it felt like real practicing — exceedingly brief, yes, but real.
On the second day I even did slow scales in all twelve major keys, through the entire range of the instrument. (I think I hadn’t played a high C in fifteen years!)
I’ve also felt like doing it, which at this point in my life is strange and unusual behavior. 😄
Perspective truly is everything, isn’t it?
I mean, from the perspective of the present moment I’m really — and I mean really — glad that we made the decision to stay home this fall.
I say that largely because all the rest of our music team members are in the midst of flux and change and challenge right now.
From an imminent knee surgery to helping an elderly parent move to a new state, and from touring Europe with Asha to an extended visit to India…there’s going to be a whole lot of coming and going!
So, I’m grateful and content to help hold down the fort for a change.
It was one of those nights…
Dinner was Brussel sprouts and popcorn (one after the other, not together!), while watching a quirky black-and-white English movie from 1951 titled, “The Happy Family“.
Quite relaxing, really.
“Buon Ferragosto!” is what I’m seeing everywhere I look on Facebook today.
It brings back memories of Ananda Assisi’s busiest season, as well as of monumental traffic jams when we (occasionally) forgot and made the mistake of traveling on the actual day. Not a good idea.
Fortunately, the memories are mostly very sweet.
But what exactly is Ferragosto? It’s a public holiday that originated back in 18 BC (that’s a really long time ago!) and is still celebrated throughout Italy on August 15th.
The name translates to Feriae (Festival) Augusti (for Augustus, the Roman emperor). Emperor Augustus made August 1st a day of rest after laborers had spent weeks working hard on the farms and in the fields.
The custom was for the workers to wish their employers “Buon Ferragosto” and receive a monetary bonus in return. This became law during the Renaissance throughout the papal states.
Then, starting around the 5th century, the Catholic Church moved the observance of the Assumption of the Virgin Mary to the same date. For observant Catholics in countries like Italy, Spain, Greece, Mexico, etc., August 15 is right up there with Easter and Christmas.
August 15 also just happens to be the birthday of one of my favorite humans: our friend and colleague in the music ministry, Jeannie! 💖
We had two meetings today. both of which — together with a couple of important meetings from last week — are adding to our sense of the increasing momentum and growing magnetism of the music ministry.
It’s a very good feeling!