I ran across some journaling notes, written about six years ago, evidently in a period of frustration at my lack of activity. I don’t recall the exact moment or what exactly I was feeling when making this list, but it certainly packs a wallop for me as I read it now. Especially considering the title I gave it:
ACTIVITIES I LOVED
tether ball
monkey bars
archery
basketball
gymnastics
track
dancing
cheerleading
hiking
rebounding
aerobics
weight training
bicycling
swimming
skipping
yoga
150 sit-ups a day
running on the beach
walking, walking, walking
It wasn’t that I “loved” exercise; I didn’t even call it “exercise” — it was just having fun doing things…
Like…
Challenging big, intimidating Tony to a tetherball showdown in 6th grade.
Organizing my high school buddies to hike up into the foothills above Milpitas for a cookout.
Riding my bicycle all over Sunnyvale (where I lived), to classes at DeAnza College, and (just once!) all the way to my boyfriend’s house in Los Altos.
Spending two hours every day in the gym: aerobics; weight training; treadmill; loving to sweat!
It was just doing fun active things with my friends. Dancing at clubs til all hours of the night. Cranking up my stereo and dancing in my living room to Al Jarreau, Gino Vannelli, George Benson, Earth Wind & Fire. I felt GOOD in my body and enjoyed using it. Of course, I never ever thought I looked good enough, but — hey! — at least I felt strong and powerful and capable.
Things started to shift when I got “serious” about finishing my degree and becoming a flutist — spending hours in class, in the library, in the practice room, in rehearsals, in carpools traveling to gigs. Getting busier and busier, more and more out of balance, more and more stressed.
Eventually I started feeling the pressure to “exercise” in order to lose the weight that was creeping on. What did I know about metabolic syndrome and stress hormones and circadian rhythms and lack of sleep leading to weight gain, etc etc.?!? Bit by bit the fun and spontaneity went away and moving my body became a chore, a “should.” Yuck.
Sigh.
It’s hard to look back and realize that I pretty much had it all, but squandered it, largely due to ignorance and iffy self-esteem (all part of my karma, of course).