There are some good reasons why “race” and “racism” didn’t seem like a major factor in my life…
- Though born in San Francisco, I grew up in the Sunnyhills neighborhood of Milpitas, which I only recently learned was the first successful integrated housing development in California.
- Both my parents were college-educated and well-spoken.
- My father was president of the school board throughout most of my school years; my mother was active in community leadership as well.
- In 1966 Milpitas had California’s first black mayor.
- I had friends of all races; loved school; and got good grades.
- By high school, my aptitude for music led to opportunities to travel to the East Coast, Canada, and Europe.
- My boyfriends and both husbands have been white.
Soooo….I was a good kid, living a good and happy life, secure in a community that knew and respected my parents and my entire family.
Except…there were subtle things that I avoided looking at closely…
- I never completely fit in — I wasn’t “cool” and I didn’t sound “black”; I was a bookworm and a music nerd — so I didn’t fit in with with the black kids; all my best friends, who I had everything in common with, were white — so I stuck out there because I looked different.
- When I started dating my first white boyfriend, some of the black guys took issue with him dating a black girl and beat him up.
- When the jazz band I was in traveled to Washington D.C., there was a side trip to Virginia where the Filipino keyboard player and I sat on the bus while the rest of the group toured some historic monument in Virginia, where we weren’t welcome.
- Then there was the concert we did at a school for developmentally disabled children in Germany, where one of the children became visibly agitated when she saw me. Between her disability and the language difference I had no way of understanding what she saying, but by the way she kept reaching out to touch my skin I could tell she had never seen a person of color before, which was a very strange feeling.
- My father worked for Lockheed as a systems analyst and was offered a job at NASA, but due to some (racially-motivated) unpleasantness when they visited Houston they decided to stay put in California.
- As a classical flutist, I freelanced with a number of orchestras throughout the greater SF Bay Area. I was somewhat bemused by how often, despite not being a contracted member, I just “happened” to be performing on the concert when they would take their promotional photos, so they had one person of color in the orchestra (the “token”).
- Then there was the time I did a gig at a gated community in Danville with guitarist Eugene Rodriquez. It was a fundraiser for a private girls school, with students from the school doing the serving. At one point, Eugene and I were taking a break at the refreshment table — dressed in formal black and white because that’s what classical musicians wear to gigs(!) — and a woman tried to hand me her used plate! Now remember: the middle school girls are serving at this event. There are no waiters or waitresses in attendance. But this woman’s unconscious logic was obviously that, if a black woman/Latino man were in a mansion in Danville dressed in black and white clothing, they must be there to wait on her! That one rankles to this day…
Of course, I read this over and I think, “Oh come on! This stuff is hardly worth calling racism; I mean, what are you even complaining about?!?”
But that, I think, is what has kept me from allowing myself to acknowledge that I am affected by racism. And as I’ve been writing, more and more of these little memories resurface; none of them major or worth making a big fuss about, but when you add them all together…it makes for a pretty heavy weight.
Bhagavati, thank you for sharing your story. I feel so honored reading it. It’s so important for people of color to not remain silent but to share their realities; the various transgressions that have happened, great or small, so that we can all understand and get a better picture of what we’re dealing with—in order to change it! I really appreciate your courage. Addressing these issues from the context of living in a spiritual community is even more fascinating. I am so curious as to what your experience of racism has been inside of Ananda. I’d love to think it’s a community that never considers race, but I know that’s not enough. I also believe that’d be a little too perfect to be real. I personally would love to see Jyotish and Devi and other leaders of Ananda worldwide address racism and systematic oppression in some direct fashion. Yes, it’s not what “Ananda is about”, as our overarching goal is on such a grander scale, but I also believe there’s a time and place where we need to stand up for dharma; that sitting back and doing everything “as per usual” just supports that same oppressive system. I mean gosh, look at the Mahabharata, it was both a metaphorical and real, documented war! It would be so awesome to see our leaders making this self-inquiry and commitment to expressing anti-racism on behalf of our whole community/movement.
Wow, Rachel. These are some excellent questions your asking, which need a little more time to answer. I deeply appreciate your loving and supportive comments. 💗
Thank you Bhagavati for shari g your story.
Rachel I love you💖. I love that you have the courage to bring up these questions even though it might not be comfortable.
💗💗💗
Thank you for sharing Bhagavati. I had the karma of being the light skinned one singled out from my darker siblings, and other family members. My maternal grandmother is African and Caribbean descent, my paternal grandparents Chinese. The discrepancies of what I witnessed, and was being raised family and culture, Jamaican and US, based on skin tone still shapes the activities I choose to participate in. As much as I choose. Dream drama, accepting all as His gift, the sawttic qualities, beneath the skin all the same. Prayers and affirmations for the upliftment of consciousness for all beings. Unconditional love and obedience to God and Guru.
Thank you, dear Kamala! It’s really a blessing to hear what others have gone through and experienced. 💗
As a white man born in America in the 1950s I understand white privilege: the ability to walk in neighborhoods and not be challenged by police or others, to enter a store, elevator, staircase or public place and not be suspect, to have any career I want to pursue with enhanced opportunities for advancement and earnings, to attend higher education of my choice, and so much more. My “adjective,” being gay, made it easy to take advantage of this privilege because as long as I hid or denied my true nature I could continue to ride the wave of privilege unimpeded. I believe God made me as I am to teach me empathy and compassion for all those one or more steps adjectives from the most highly privileged in this country: white middle-class and upper-class heterosexual men for whom doors open most easily. The question is one of access in all areas of society and who can or cannot enter all its realms safely and with approval. It breaks my heart to see that after 400 years we still have so far to go. But being a yogi I am aware that this is early Dwapara and we are youngsters after all. As we look beyond what Swami called our own “bundles of self-definitions” to merge into God/all emcompassing consciousness and yoga/union, we learn our inter-connectedness with each other and eventually see beyond our inherent and even chosen differences. This time will come for America and the world, as our souls know pure love, but as the song in the musical “South Pacific” says, “You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught” to see differences, which is Maya or delusion. The pictures of the children embracing is our true, un-taught nature. I pray that humanity will learn from these horrific days and years to transcend rigid, tired old thinking and grow into the light of God’s unity which is our true nature.
Thank you for sharing your thoughtful and loving perspective, Santosh. 💗
This is absolutely heavy-weight! My heart is pounding with outrage, reading about your experiences, all of which aren’t physically harmful, except for your boyfriend being beaten, but which are absolutely harmful energetically. I love you immensely, and by the way, I’ve not told you this before, I love the beauty of your skin. The texture and nuance of shades are amazing and lovely. I always have to be careful not to let you catch me staring at your beauty.
The only small consolation I can offer is the memory of singing and chanting in a group of five other singers at a wedding where Dambara officiated. We singers were discussing what we should wear. I suggested the traditional black and white. Anandaprem cautioned against that color scheme, saying that at the reception we would be mistaken for wait-staff. All of us were white, but it was a real thing. The thoughtless woman in Danville might have offered you her dirty plate even if your skin had been white.
May guardian angels surround you and every person of every color during these turbulent cycles of the birth of a higher age.
Thank you for this, Manisha! Especially the reminder that we’re in a birthing process, and birth is always painful. 💗
You should write a book Bhagavati! Bless you, Ram
Ah, thank you, Ram! 💗
It takes courage to speak truth. Truth, when spoken with love and respect, is the medicine of the people. I am grateful for these words of honesty, vulnerability and power.
Of course the color of your skin shouldn’t matter at all! As souls we are many colors of skin throughout our long journey. But sadly it has mattered. And this is the moment, on planet earth, we are ripe to heal an ugly disease of mind and spirit that has festered in racism. It’s time for all of us to do the work. Thank you for being a part of the healing.
Thank you, Dana, for your loving comments and also for being part of the healing yourself! 💗
Thank you for sharing your stories. Some of them are painful to read – such as you having to sit on the bus in Virginia while the rest of the group toured the site. It is painful that you weren’t allowed and that the group went in anyway. That just isn’t right. It is a double-whammy. It is also unfortunate that your Dad couldn’t take that job with NASA, not due to discrimination there – but just the overall racial overtones of Houston itself. The other things all add to the mix. Anyway, thanks again for sharing.
Thank you, Mary. Love and light to you! 💗
Flute-friend, I am listening. You are heard.
Thank you for listening, Evelyn! 💗
Thanks so much for sharing your amazing journey as a woman of color. It is so important to reflect honestly on those little moments of slights, innuendos, hurts that together help us realize the painful impact of all the ways we treat others differently or are treated differently by others, As Asha mentioned this morning, perhaps the darkness we are experiencing now will awaken us to courageously state for the Light. Love and blessings.
You’re very welcome, Sharmila. I appreciate your loving and supportive comments. 💗
Wow. Thank you for sharing. Sounds like in a lot of ways you’ve had a unique experience with your upbringing but yes, this is definitely racism. We take it for granted as “the way things are” a lot of time but it’s not okay. All those little things do add up, as you said, and it’s a heavy weight. I couldn’t believe number 3! How could the other band members think that was okay?!
Thanks for your love and support, Erin. What you have to remember about the band experience is that this was in 1971 or 72, only 7-8 years after the passage of the Civil Rights Act in 1964. Things we pretty different then. 💗
Thank you Bhagavati for being a warrior princesses of God’s Light!
I recently watched the movie Hidden Figures for the first time. To see it was amazing to watch the distance strong women of color go to be of service and how their actions led to changing consciousness. You with your gentle and strong nature are doing the same.
Love and joy
Thank you, dear Debbie, for your love and encouragement. I’ve wanted to watch Hidden Figures again and now would be a great time for it. 💗
I feel grateful and honored learning of your journey, Bhagavati.
The bittersweetness to experience your boyfriend getting beat up when you first start to date and Being invited to perform but not on the tour….
I like to believe we are at the beginning of the shift to a society that judges people by the content of their character. ..
Thank you.. Your story tells about the grace in your radiant smile.
Thank you for your loving comments, Catherine. 💗
Dearest Bhagavati, thank you so much for sharing your stories. I have often wondered about the lives of the people of colour in our spiritual family. I was sure they must have experienced racism in their lives. It doesn’t have to be violent or blatant to be thus labeled. At times I have prayed specifically for them , and for other groupings of people that called to my heart; Jews Palestinians, the elderly, children, veterans etc. You have done us a great service here, the white world needs to know and understand what really goes on if we are ever to change and transform our world. Master himself was a victim of racism, he speaks of it in his writings, one of his Whispers is dedicated to it. Maybe that’s why we don’t speak of it more, it’s understood that we cannot think, act or speak in racist ways without going against Master’s teachings. Master said, “Let the downpour of Thy love wash away the embankments of race, color and class prejudice. ” Christ said, “All are welcome at my Father’s table.” We are one, one human family. May God’s love fill every heart and mind with empathy, compassion and love for all. With love and appreciation, uma
Thank you for these beautiful and inspiring words, Uma. I only recently read that particular “Whisper” and it is powerful! “…into the light, the inner sun, into the truth that we’re all one. O Master…” 💗