I’ve been working hard these days at not really doing much of anything; just resting.
Seems to be working a little too well, since I can’t even get myself to write anything about it. 🤷‍♀️
Non-productivity: mission accomplished
Bouncing back
My immune system took a real hit from the recent pneumonia infection, with a significant drop in my white blood count.
But the good news is I saw my oncologist today and those white blood cells have already bounced back practically to normal.
Actually, this is my dilemma. Other than some mild coughing, I don’t feel sick anymore. Yes, at the end of the day, I’m tired and more than happy to go to bed. But I don’t feel ill.
So, I have to keep reminding myself to take it easy, to go slow, to rest. After all, I certainly don’t want a relapse.
Sunset and evening star
This evening I took my first (very) short walk since getting home from the hospital and I was blessed with this sunset.
It was a very peaceful ending to an intense week.
Regenerating: a higher octave of truth
I found this poem before being diagnosed with pneumonia and forced to a rather screeching halt. Now I see this as my current higher octave of truth.
REGENERATING
I don’t think you’re simply tired,
I think you’re regenerating.
Like all of mother nature’s children in winter, your instinct is to curl up, hunker down and reset.
You’re not less.
You’re simply in tune with the sun.
And as the dark days begin to wane, your inner wild fortifies and evolves, bolstered and renewed, cocoon-style.
Ready for the new beginnings, ready for the reinvent.
Ready.
Simply ready.
So, let yourself be led down the rabbit hole, when the weariness washes over and your body begs to rest.
I don’t think you’re simply tired.
I think you’re regenerating.
— Donna Ashworth
In my own little world
This past week was my first experience of actually spending several nights in the hospital and I’m happy to report that pretty much every step of the process was filled with grace.
First, there was hardly one at Urgent Care or in the Emergency Room, so the process went relatively speedily. And as usual, every staff person at Sierra Nevada Memorial was kind, capable, and efficient.
The location of my room proved to be a particular blessing. A little ways off the main hallway, it was surprisingly quiet most of the time. I felt a bit like a wounded animal, hunkered down in their den for rest and healing. The feeling was amplified by the fact that I didn’t so much as step foot outside that hospital room door from Monday night until Wednesday afternoon.
By the end of Tuesday, I was convinced it was a rather sleepy hospital. Once or twice I even commented to my nurse about how quiet everything was, only to have her give me a slightly puzzled look.
Then on Wednesday afternoon, I had to go downstairs for a CT scan. They sat me in the wheelchair, rolled me out of that little room then a few steps to the left…and oh my! I was suddenly in the middle of more noise and activity than I knew what to do with.
And I suddenly understood the blessing of that hospital room and the bubble of grace that surrounded it.
What a surreal week
As we returned home from the hospital this afternoon, I had to do a quick reality check on timing, asking Ramesha: “Was it really one week ago today that we drove home from Palo Alto?”
The answer was YES, and that’s what is so surreal…that I spent three nights of the one week since we got back from Europe in the hospital.
To be honest, I feel like I’ve been living my own crazy Alice in Wonderland adventure.
Getting to practice my new mantra
Last night and all day long we were so sure I would be discharged today. Imagine my disappointment when I learned (at 6:00pm) that I would be staying one more night.
I love my little mug with “You got this” on it, so I’m hanging onto that as my mantra tonight. “I got this. I got this. I got this.”
And yeah, the grammar’s not correct, but it has more power this way.
Loved and encouraged
I’m surrounded by people who love me and are praying for me from all over the world.
I’m so grateful for the friends who see the highest in me even when I’m not seeing it so clearly myself.
So, yeah. I got this!
From urgent care to ER and beyond
Well! Was I totally off base or what?!?
Turns out I couldn’t nip things in the bud because they weren’t little things. Nope, these are big things — as in pneumonia and atrial fibrillation and electrolytes all out of whack.
Bottom line? Instead of it being the day to feel completely normal again, I get to spend a couple of nights in the hospital!
Day 3 of feeling slightly “off”
I keep thinking I’ve nipped whatever “it” is in the bud. But nooooo.
I’m hopeful that tomorrow will be The Day when I finally feel completely normal again.