I don’t really have much to say. I’m just happy to listen to Swami Kriyananda singing “Peace” — over and over again.
It helps me feel peaceful again.
July 20 health update
It’s been a while since my last health update because there hasn’t really been much of anything new to share.
We’re moving full speed ahead towards the bone marrow transplant, which means a lot of “pre-op” appointments (pulmonary function test, echocardiogram, EKG, chest x-ray, etc).
We definitely have a place to stay for our six weeks in Sacramento (a five-minute walk from the hospital).
I continue to feel really well. My current focus is to do as much as I can to raise my energy, increase my magnetism, and open up to divine grace. This is in order to better achieve my goal of rebuilding my immune system and being fully recovered in record-breaking time.
All that said, there is one requirement in preparation for the transplant that I’m definitely not thrilled about, which is doing another bone marrow biopsy. They have to get right inside the bone and aspirate (or suction up) the marrow, and — although it only lasts for about 10-15 seconds — it’s really, really painful because there’s no way to “numb” you inside the bone.
I survived the process once, and I’m also reminding myself that I’ve successfully walked on hot coals, as well as giving birth. I know I can do it, however extra prayers this Friday, July 22 from 8:30am-10:30am (PDT) would be very welcome!
With much love and gratitude always. 🙏💖
That super drowsy feeling
That super drowsy feeling can be explained in one word: Benadryl.
It’s one of the pre-meds they recently starting giving me as part of my treatment protocol. With early appointments it’s not such an issue, but today I didn’t take it until late afternoon and the drowsiness seems to be lasting forever.
Oh well, I guess I’ll sleep well tonight!
Healthy lungs
Today I had my pulmonary function test — another new experience on my medical adventure.
It was actually rather fascinating. The technician was super clear and articulate, as well as extremely encouraging, cheering me on to extend my inhalation or exhalation just a little bit longer.
I was surprised at how tired I was when I got home afterwards; I think it was more of a workout than I appreciated in the moment. It also took a lot of concentration to remember when to inhale quickly, hold my breath, pant like a puppy, or one of the other very specific actions.
I’m pretty sure the results will show that I have healthy lungs (although I guess one never knows for sure).
Choose well
I find this fascinating. All extremely common words, but it would never in a million years have occurred to me to compare the number of letters in each one.
But I’m grateful that it occurred to someone (thank you, whoever you are), because it has caused me to reflect on how important it is to choose rightly.
So along those lines: I choose love, friends, and truth; I choose to be positive; I choose to rise above and to live in joy; I choose to be happy; I choose what is right; and I choose to heal.
And so it is.
Beauty all around us
I’m not a good enough photographer (especially on a cell phone) to do this justice, but I had to at least try to capture the colors of this oleander plant.
I especially loved how the petals on the ground seemed to reflect back the vibrant color of the plant.
I’m feeling very grateful that there’s so much beauty all around us, all the time.
Picking up the pace
It’s mid-July and the bone marrow transplant is suddenly feeling really close.
Things are certainly speeding up, especially in terms of fitting in appointments. In the next week and a half I’ll be having a pulmonary function test; a chest x-ray; a chemical stress test (which evidently is a two-day process); and another bone marrow biopsy (oh joy!).
And all this is in addition to my usual labs, weekly chemo injection/infusion, and physical therapy appointments.
I’m going to be a busy girl!
A surreal moment at the hairdresser
I got a haircut today and, as usual, we took a minute to schedule my next appointment.
We counted six weeks out, which was perfect timing — right before my departure to Sacramento for the bone marrow transplant.
Except then it hit me — after they collect my stem cells I’ll be receiving a high dose of chemotherapy, which will result in losing my hair. Soooo…that would sort of negate the need for a haircut the week before, wouldn’t it?
Definitely a surreal moment.
Patreon: our why and our process
So, we started thinking about creating a Patreon account almost a year and a half ago.
We wanted to put more focus on the making music part of our lives, as opposed to the teaching, directing, coordinating, managing side of things.
But it felt rather complicated and like we had to do all these things in just the right way, and — sure enough — it ended up falling by the wayside, even though we had most of the pieces in place.
Fast forward a year and a half and we realized it was time.
Why?
One motivator is that during Spiritual Renewal Week we were greeted by so many devotees from all over the world who expressed over and over again how much they appreciated seeing us on video. And we realized most of those videos are just from Sunday service or larger concerts; we haven’t been taking the time to make and share our own videos, with our own choice of songs and perspective.
But the biggest motivation has come as one of the many gifts of my cancer experience.
When I started treatment I had to consider the necessity of letting some of my activities go, because I didn’t know whether I would be laid out from side effects or how much additional rest I would need, etc.
As it turns out, my energy held up and I never did have to let go of hardly anything, other than not directing larger groups of singers (but that was more of a COVID precaution, since my immune system is compromised at the moment).
But even considering the possibilities brought thoughts and ideas to mind. And then there’s the reality of the bone marrow transplant, and the fact that we’ll be completely out of commission for a couple of months.
All of which is forcing us (in the best way possible) to not just talk and wish that there were more people taking on responsibility in the music ministry, but to take action to make it happen, and on a rather strict timeline!
Which leads to the final, very important fact: that my cancer diagnosis has helped me to better embrace the concept of mortality and the fact that we really aren’t all going to be here forever. Which in its turn has prompted some real soul-searching, especially in terms of wanting to be sure we’re serving Master, Swamiji, and Ananda in the absolutely best way we can.
You see, soon after Ramesha and I got married we were having lunch in Assisi and had one of those “aha” moments. Of course, we knew perfectly well that we both sang, and that between us we played guitar and violin and flute and keyboard. But we suddenly knew we should be a duo; that we actually were a duo — The Harmony Duo. Two people from different countries, different cultures, different races, and different mother languages, who nevertheless were in harmony — musically and otherwise.
When we came to the States in 2006 (supposedly for one year — ha ha), we spent a few months giving Harmony Duo concerts at Ananda communities up and down the west coast. When Swamiji got word of it, he conveyed the message that he thought we should tour the USA. And we were going to do it, too! We gathered maps and lists of meditation groups and started planning our route.
But we ended up Ananda Village, then Ananda Los Angeles, and back to the Village — all of which has been wonderful and vitally important to our spiritual growth. And yet…we feel there are some things yet unfinished, for which we will need to be able to extricate ourselves for a few months at a time and not be responsible for all the day-to-day musical activities of one particular community.
In addition, for several years now we’ve been wanting to establish more communication and collaboration among the various music ministries throughout the world, without making much progress. But we feel that we must find a way, especially considering the vital importance of the music in helping to keep the vibration of Ananda uplifted, harmonious, and united, no matter how large it grows.
So, all of this adds up to the reason why we’ve decided to join Patreon and see where it leads us.
We got started!
“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” ~ Walt Disney
I was thrilled to see this quote on my Momentum Dash this afternoon, because it was completely aligned with today’s reality.
That fact is that Ramesha and I have been talking about a particular (and very special) project for over a year, but today the talking was over and we did something about it!
The “something” is our new Patreon account: “Bhagavati & Ramesha”, which we just launched!
This morning we recorded our Patreon intro video, as well as one of our earliest Harmony Duo song arrangements (which we hadn’t performed in probably ten years).
The intro video is not published yet, although you can see a sneak preview by clicking here.
There’s a lot I’d like to say about Patreon, why we’re doing it, the process of getting to this point, and how cancer proved to be a clarifying factor…but these are topics that will have to wait for a future blog post.