Pretty much says it all, doesn’t it?
The essence of the spiritual path
A busy bee kind of day
Gardening; physical therapy appointment; a stop at the gas station (mamma mia, the cost of a full tank of gas!); lunch with Dad and Cathy; got the car washed; Quest Diagnostics for UC Davis bloodwork; pharmacy to pick up a prescription; quick dinner; and now off to rehearsal.
I’m going to sleep really well tonight!
P.S. to my last health update
Just to clarify, I’ll be receiving what they call an “autologous” bone marrow transplant. That means they’ll be harvesting my own stem cells and then returning them into my bone marrow. As the transplant doctor put it, a better description would be to call it a “replant” instead of a “transplant”!
I’m sharing this because three people so far have offered to donate bone marrow if I needed it, which moves me very deeply.
I mean, talk about feeling loved and supported!
Latest health update
The last time I wrote, we had just returned from our Bone Marrow Transplant (BMT) evaluation appointment at UC Davis Medical Center. I spent the rest of the month of May basically moving from overwhelm to denial to major resistance, with a constant sense of confusion flowing underneath it all.
During this time, we explored complementary healing options, but never received clear guidance that this or that was “the answer” to avoiding a BMT altogether.
Even when I connected with a wonderful Naturopathic Integrative Oncologist who we both completely resonated with, she wasn’t talking “instead of” conventional therapies, but rather “supporting and being as healthy as possible” to get the most out of those conventional therapies.
At the very end of the month, we came full circle and finally listened to the recording of our May 3 appointment; by the time we finished everything had shifted and we knew that the BMT was the right thing to do.
It also helped that the Sunday service affirmation of a few days before was the one on “Truthfulness.” I was able to admit to myself that I had been wishing and hoping for an alternative that simply was not appearing. This was the “whatever is, simply is” truth that I needed to accept, “knowing that, at the heart of everything, God’s truth is always good.”
Plus, this line at the end of what Swami Kriyananda writes about truthfulness really hit home: “Truthfulness means seeing things as they really are, but then looking more deeply for ways to improve those realities.”
(Needless to say, I’ll continue using the full affirmation for the time being: Whatever is, simply is; I cannot change it for the mere wishing. Fearlessly, therefore, I accept the truth, knowing that, at the heart of everything, God’s truth is always good.)
We sat on the decision overnight, but it continued to feel like a “duh, of course this is the way to go” kind of right. Which was pretty surprising, considering that on the purely personal level of likes and dislikes, I still didn’t (and don’t) want to do it!
However, not only does it feel right inwardly, but doors have started opening and things are falling into place (probably for mid-August). So, I’m embracing the “both/and” reality of not wanting to do something that is the right thing to do.
Of course, I’ve done that many times in my life before — in small and big ways. It’s just that this one is easily the biggest, plus it requires my conscious choice to embrace the karma.
I find it somewhat amusing to look back to the very beginning of this saga, when I learned that I had a “treatable” cancer. I had no idea just how limited my concept of “treatable” was; now I understand that a BMT is part of what “treatable” means.
The bottom line, however, is that I feel incredibly blessed as I move through this process. I am so grateful for all the loving support, the prayers, the generosity, the inner growth and spiritual insights. It makes it all worthwhile.
More roses
Today I’ve got beautiful roses but nothing to say. (It happens every now and then.) 😍
Watching clouds
I’m getting better and better at this whole relaxing thing.
A good portion of my afternoon was spent sitting on the patio simply watching the clouds go by.
The ultimate in doing nothing.
Working vs singing
Today has mostly been about taking it easy (well, except for doing laundry!) and enjoying the feeling of being completely back to normal physically.
But it’s also been a day for inner work and deep insights from a wise friend.
The key phrases are nothing new; I’ve been trying to work on these things for years.
Peace and contentment. Being vs doing. Balance.
But now these concepts are moving from being given “lip service” to becoming absolutely essential in my life and causing me to take a hard look at my approach to my work.
What an interesting time.
Ending the week with a laugh
I feel this is the perfect way to end my rather up and down week. After all, laughter is good for both body and soul.
Hope everyone reading this has a lovely weekend.
Feeling yucky
Well, it finally happened.
Up to now I’ve been sailing through chemo with minimal side effects, but I really felt the new drug that was added this week.
I was pretty wiped out the following day, although I’m almost back to normal now.
I’m glad this is only a once a month infusion.
Where there’s life, there’s hope
The other day I was out for a walk when I noticed some unexpected blossoms way up high in a tree.
They seemed so out of place that I stopped to take a closer look. What I discovered is that most of the tree looked completely dead, but this one branch was vibrant with LIFE.
And what came to my mind is “As long as there’s life, there’s hope.”
It was a very uplifting moment.
