Month: January 2020

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Comparisons are odious

But I tend to make them anyway.

Recently I was enjoying yet another wonderful Facebook post by some dear friends in India who always seem to be doing something new and fun and dynamic. Interesting posts and intriguing videos seem to appear every day. Plus they’re teaching classes and offering support and just overall building an amazing work.

And sometimes I have the feeling that I’m simply not doing enough!

But then I had a realization: so many of my friends on the spiritual path are in their 30’s and 40’s, and when I was that age I was just as busy and my life activities were just as fun and dynamic– except everything centered around the flute: practicing for hours a day; finding gigs; preparing recitals; taking auditions; traveling; and enjoying “satsang” with other dedicated musicians.

It’s useless, but I can’t help wondering what it would have been like if the goal of all that expended energy had been finding God, rather than the perfect gig.

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Three steps back…

It’s like I have a little gremlin inside that can’t stand it when I start making progress toward my goal. So after achieving “lights out” before midnight a good portion of this week, tonight my inner gremlin has insisted on browsing the internet until midnight instead. Oh well.

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Husbandly insight

As I’ve mentioned before, the new behavior that I’m endeavoring to turn into a habit is getting up early, regardless of what time I go to bed (the idea being that fatigue will eventually force me into bed at an earlier hour).

I started doing this a couple of days before the New Year, so I’m closing in on two weeks worth of early mornings. Unfortunately, early nights remain elusive.

So today, I got up before dawn, meditated, exercised…then promptly hit the non-productivity wall.

I read a novel. I stared out the window. I browsed the internet, perusing articles about Harry and Meghan, San Francisco’s housing crisis, and Kylo Ren(!). Then I finally acknowledged out loud that I didn’t feel like doing anything.

That’s when Ramesha pointed out that it’s taking a ton of psychic energy to stick with the changes I’m making, because I’m endeavoring to shift some very basic and long-established tendencies. I could feel the truth of what he was saying, also allowing for the “tiredness factor” making it harder to stay motivated and focused on getting things done.

This all helped me relax and accept this strange phase I’m in, remembering that “this too shall pass”!

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In the in-between

It’s a little over a week into the New Year and so far it feels like my new behaviors are on the way to becoming new habits — yay!

But I am noticing a little bit of an energy let down. I think it’s because I’m past the initial getting started “pizzazz” and into the long, drawn-out middle section — also known as “the real work” — which can’t be avoided if one wants to reach the end goal of actual, lasting change.

I’ve already caught myself wanting to raise the ante too quickly, so now I’m back to focusing on doing little teeny increments every single day and keeping it FUN.

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At break of day

View to the east of my apartment
Dawn view from my kitchen window

THIS!

Despite a lifetime of being a night owl, I dearly love seeing the pre-dawn horizon as it just barely starts to glow.

I’m doing my best to tune into that — as well as any and all other early morning perks and benefits — as a way to keep my motivation strong while I negotiate the phase of getting more and more tired (maybe even cranky, at times!) because the staying-up-late habit is still so strong.

I have faith that — if I can just stick with it long enough! — I’ll be able to establish a firm habit of early-to-bed to complement my new routine of early-to-rise.

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Tonight’s the night

Decided not to try and come up with an interesting topic for this blog post. Why? Because I’m feeling quite sleepy and if I start looking for creative ideas I’ll get all woken up and next thing you know it’ll be after midnight!

I’m learning (actually, the phrase that popped into my mind is: “I may be slow, but I’m not stupid!”). 😴

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A year of gratitude

This idea seems to be catching on with a number of my friends. Which is great because I might have forgotten about it otherwise! I’ll be looking for my jar tomorrow. Wanna join me?

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Getting sleepy

The 5:30 am wake-ups are beginning to catch up with me…YAY!

Eleven o’clock is not exactly an early bedtime, but the fact that I’m having trouble focusing long enough to type this is a very good sign. Another couple of days and I have high hopes of crashing by 10:00 or 10:30!

Ha ha ha…who’d have ever thought it would come to this?!? 😂