Month: November 2019

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Ball of confusion

A song from my adolescence has been popping into my mind quite a bit over the past few weeks: Ball of Confusion by the Temptations.

The lyrics that have stayed in my mind since high school are:
Fear in the air, tension ev’rywhere
Unemployment rising fast, the Beatle’s new record’s a gas,
and the only safe place to live is on an Indian reservation,
and the band played on.
Eve of destruction, tax deduction,
City inspectors, bill collectors, mod clothes in demand,
population out of hand, suicide, too many bills,
hippies movin’ to the hills
People all over the world are shouting end the war
and the band played on.

I loved the Temptations when I was growing up and this song really made an impact on me as an angst-filled teenager learning to deal with the crazy world I was living in. Of course, the vibration of the song is pretty much the opposite of Ananda’s music; Ball of Confusion perfectly captures the agitation of modern life, and the musician in me admires the skill with which they did it!

So I find myself thinking about how crazy the world seems now…and then I think about how crazy the world seemed then (after all, this song came out almost fifty years ago!). And I think again about the article by Swami Kriyananda that I mentioned in yesterday’s blog post, especially the following excerpt:

CAN THE WORLD BE PERFECTED?
The thought that this world can ever be perfected is one of man’s greatest delusions. What this world is, simply, is a school, through which the soul passes on its upward evolution. Perfection is, in other words, an ideal to be sought for the benefit of the students, not of the school. Were this school, our earth, to complete its educative purpose, by means at present unimaginable, it would mean simply that souls still in need of its instruction would have to be enrolled elsewhere.

No outward improvement in the world will ever guarantee a corresponding improvement of the individual. Ultimately, man’s betterment depends always on his own recognition of his need for it.

I don’t say, never try to improve things. Do improve them if you can, always calmly and in support of the good, never with anger. But realize that there are simply too many wrongs in the world for all of them to be improved very much. Your first need, always, is to remain calm and undisturbed in your Self.

Sure, the world is a ball of confusion; but that doesn’t have to be our reality. We can attune ourselves to higher consciousness and live in peace and love and clarity.

https://youtu.be/F8eg-oLdeoI
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Fun with shadows

Seeing this darling video brought back memories of a poem remembered from childhood. Hope you enjoy both video and poem.

My Shadow by Robert Louis Stevenson

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow— 
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an India-rubber ball,
And he sometimes gets so little that there’s none of him at all.

He hasn’t got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way. 
He stays so close beside me, he’s a coward you can see;
I’d think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head, 
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.

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Making vs managing

Had a bit of a realization today about the fact that — despite my work being all about music — less and less of my day-to-day life involves actual music. And the reason this matters is that there are healing aspects around the making of music that are not present in managing a music department.

For example, today I learned that it’s scientifically proven that focusing on longer exhalations can help us cope with feelings of stress and overwhelm. That’s because exhaling stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which decreases heart rate, lowers blood pressure, and releases muscular tension.

So, no wonder I loved playing long tones on flute so much! Long tones meant a deep inhalation followed by a l-o-n-g, controlled exhalation, repeated for upwards of twenty minutes at a time…all while deeply concentrating on creating a beautiful sound.

I’m not planning to go back to being a full time flutist, but this is certainly something to notice and meditate on and seek to re-balance.

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Good vibes

I got a kick out of this when I saw it on Facebook, but then I got to thinking about how true it is. That if (when!) we’re strong in our positive magnetism, we can affect real change in those around us. Of course, the opposite is true as well, which is why we have to do everything in our power to keep our energy strong, our spirits up, and our magnetism positive. And we have to be determined to shine, like this little face demonstrates! 🙂

via GIPHY

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Accountability time

As I wrote in a blog post from a few weeks ago: “If I don’t have the blog written by 9:30 at night, all I get to write is an acknowledgement of the fact that I don’t have time to write because I have to get ready for bed!“

Well, tonight is one of those nights. So sweet dreams, everyone!

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Be still

Getting to “fall back” an hour can be a big help for people like me, for whom “early to bed and early to rise” is an ongoing struggle. Thanks to the time change I made it to the Temple of Light to meditate this morning (true, it was after group sadhana, but it’s a start)!

It’s such a blessing to meditate in the Temple, but — even so — I could tell that feelings of anxiety and restlessness had a grip on me. Sometimes when that happens, doing my specific “practices” can feel like a chore, something to be resisted rather than embraced. So instead of practicing “techniques” I started an inner dialogue: “Be still. Be still. Be still. Breathe. Be still….”

After a while I realized “Be still” was directed to my body and I inwardly added: “Be calm” for my mind. “Be calm. Be calm. Be still. Be calm…” And finally…

RELAX.

That’s for my heart. I remember being in Assisi and hearing Swamiji say to a friend: “Relax in your heart.” It was a new concept to me and I’ve always remembered him saying it. But I haven’t been very consistent about doing it and lately I’ve been feeling an increasing tightness there. So, “Relax in the heart. Relax in the heart. Be still. Be calm. Relax in the heart…”

Afterwards I suddenly recalled a beautiful experience from years and years ago. I was attending a Unity church in San Francisco, and one of the ministers (Troy Wheeler; I still remember his name!) did something different for his sermon. First he asked us to close our eyes and then he shared the following scripture, repeating each phrase several times, with gradually increasing pauses in between.

Be still and know that I am God…
Be still and know that I am…
Be still and know…
Be still…
Be…

I think that might have been one of my first experiences of true stillness; it was truly peaceful and I’ve never forgotten it.

By the way, I did manage to get still and calm and relaxed enough so I could also practice my techniques this morning! 🙂

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Making music

Ramesha and I were on to do the music for this morning’s Sunday service. Nowadays it comes as almost a shock when we’re called on to perform just the two of us, since we spend most of our time either in front of our computers or rehearsing with the full choir.

But it’s nice to find that — when we do get to stop and just make music together — our unique musical attunement is still very much there. Not that I would have expected otherwise!

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Day off

Today was a day off. In fact, Ramesha and I had a date, for lunch and a movie.

I’m happy to report that the breakfast burritos at Durga’s Divine Cafe — always delicious — somehow manage to get even yummier every time we go. Same with the scones. I don’t know how owner Julie Roberts does it!

Then we saw Maleficent 2 and enjoyed that as well. Sure it’s not a masterpiece of a movie; in fact, afterwards I learned that it’s gotten a lot of negative reviews.

But we went with no preconceived ideas and no particular expectations, beyond the desire to relax together in a shared movie experience. And on that level Maleficent delivered just fine.

All in all, a delightful day.

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I ❤️ orchestra

Don’t know quite what set it off, but this afternoon I’m really missing playing in orchestra! So, I’ve been watching videos of some of my favorite orchestral moments — Overtures to William Tell and Semiramide; parts of Tchaikovsky 5th and 6th symphonies; Brahms 1st; Daphnis and Chloe; Debussy’s La Mer; you get the idea.

It’s fun remembering what it’s like…wearing black; watching the conductor; waiting for a big solo; feeling the connection with your fellow musicians.

But what I miss most of all is the thrill of being in the middle of the amazing sound and energy generated by sixty or more dedicated musicians, all focused in the present moment on achieving the shared goal of expressing the composer’s intention to the best of their ability. I truly don’t think there’s anything else like it.

Sure there are other team experiences in sports and such, but somehow the added element of music takes it to another level. Well, that’s how it seems to me at any rate, though I certainly can’t prove it!