(not necessarily in that order)
Today I sang with the ensemble and stayed for the full morning class. It felt wonderful to finally be able to fully participate in this year’s Inner Renewal Retreat.
The icing on the cake was Jyotish and Devi’s “Question & Answer” session in the evening — always a highlight of the week. They are just so masterful at balancing lightheartedness with profound spiritual wisdom.
So much laughter and joy, together with so much deep devotion and high consciousness.
I knew I had reached the “enough!” point when I woke up with my head full of ideas for the song that was scheduled to start this morning’s Inner Renewal Retreat class.
I didn’t have enough voice to be able to sing yet, but I went early to the Temple and helped the group rehearse…which was so fun.
What it comes down to is that I need to be able to express myself through Swamiji’s music. It’s the biggest part of my raison d’être, as the French would say.
Of course, it was important to take the time to rest, heal, and nurture my physical body. But five days confined to the house was enough, thank you very much. It’s time for me to be about my guru’s business.
We love our view…and I can’t resist sharing it with others.
Especially when the sunset clouds are this beautiful.
I do believe I’m on the mend.
True, I had a little setback with my eye. The conjunctivitis had been clearing up quite nicely but it was red again when I woke up this morning. At least it didn’t go back to how bad it was originally.
And yes, there’s still a little coughing, but so much less — hallelujah!
But the real determining factor is that my energy levels are rising.
Exhibit A? I finally got completely caught up on laundry — for the first time since returning from Europe in mid-January.
Now I just have to watch my energy expenditure so I don’t overdo it and run myself (and my immune system) into the ground again. It’s a delicate balance that I’m determined to (finally) learn how to maintain.
This somehow seems very apropos for living in today’s world.
I appreciate the reminder to make music (in general) and singing (in particular) my “go to” response whenever life and its challenges start to feel like too much.
Which reminds me of one of my favorite children’s songs by Swami Kriyananda:
Sing in the Meadows
Sing in the meadows and ev’rywhere:
Sing out a blessing to ev’ryone!
Lift up your voices, Lift your hands on high.
Sing and the battle is won.
Divine Mother really outdid herself on tonight’s sunset.
And it was at least ten times more beautiful in real life, although I did my best with my cell phone.
Gorgeous.
The really good news: today’s visit to urgent care did not result in a trip to the ER and admittance to the hospital.
In fact, all my vital signs were fine and the doctor wasn’t entirely convinced pneumonia was the current issue. So it might not be an official “relapse;” the chest x-ray results will tell us for sure.
The less-than-good news is that there’s no getting around the fact that I was fatigued, plus dealing with some unrelated symptoms (avoiding TMI here!), and have had to bow out of a number of fun and inspiring events.
Not. Good.
I do not want this sort of thing to become my ongoing reality.
Yeah, it’s pretty clear that I got a little too close to the edge of the slippery slope…and now I’m paying the price.
My wonderful nurse friend tells me that the renewed coughing, increased tiredness, copious amounts of phlegm, and an eye that suddenly turned all red and congested are very likely signs of a relapse. Probably requiring more antibiotics.
Sigh.
I don’t know for sure that a relapse could be caused by a few nights without enough sleep, but my intuition tells me that Divine Mother is trying to get me to fully understand the extreme importance of rest.
I’ve been slow to learn the lesson, but I do believe it’s getting through my thick head this time.
The last couple of days I’ve had a lot more coughing (and bringing up phlegm). Not fun.
It seemed all of a sudden, but I doubt it’s entirely random. My guess is that lack of sleep several nights in a row might have been a factor.
Regardless of the cause, I’m hyper-aware of how sensitive my lungs are feeling right now. Hopefully, another good night’s sleep will help them get back to normal.
The first time I attended a meeting about Ananda’s outreach ministries was about twenty years ago.
The one I attended tonight was probably my twentieth, but I found it just as inspiring as ever.
It’s thrilling to hear the stories and know in more detail how people all over the world are touched by what Ananda has to offer.
I’m also grateful to remember that — a little over twenty years ago — I was one of those people.
What a blessing.